When I am Feeling Down

Being a parent is hard. Being a single parent can be even harder! There will always be bad days and on those days it is important that you have a plan of attack. Now, there are different kinds of bad days… Bad hair, hard days at work, sad days, fat days, stressful days, and overall just horrible days all around. Here are some things I do when I feel like crap, some of them are better for sad days and others better for days when your child seems to have been possessed by a devil.


• Make a playlist with upbeat happy songs. I prefer the boy bands and bubble gum pop from my high school/middle school days. NSYNC, BSB, Britney and Christina.

• Have a piece of chocolate… or two.

• Go to this website: cakewrecks.com

• Distract yourself by baking yummy dessert and then eat it!

• Hug your child, smell their hair and tell them that you love him/her.

• Take a shower, cry in there is you feel the need. Then put on your PJs.

• Watch Anchorman, Step Brothers or any other Will Ferrell movie.

• 13 going on 30 is another good pick me up movie!

• Take your child to a small local downtown/flea market for some leisurely window shopping.

• Ask a toddler to tell you a story. Any story! Have them make it up, because there is nothing more hilarious than a small child’s imagination.

• Pull out an old scrap book, try to find one that will make you smile (don’t pull out old wedding pictures featuring you and your now X).

• DANCE PARTY! Rock out in the living room.

• Go to this website: cuteoverload.com

• Play a board game or video games

• Memorize a poem

• Go outside and walk.

• Go swimming or set up a sprinkler. Child or not it is just darn fun!

• Call a friend of family member and talk or go to/rent a movie.

• Find a mindless game to play on your phone. I like Bejeweled or Slingo…

• Read or download a good book. I love audiobooks cause I can listen to them while I clean or relax in the bath. There is a cool app for iphone called HOOPLA where you can rent audiobooks/movies and other items through your public library! Just enter your library card number and BAM! Free books with no need to drive to the Library to return them!

• Stretch or do some Yoga.

• Play with your hair and makeup. Go back to your teen/preteen years and experiment a little.

Bad days are just bad days, they do not equal a bad life. Just the same, a hard life is not a bad life. Remember that.

Thrive

A thought for all of the ladies and gentlemen who may be going through a drastic change in their life. Maybe a devastating loss.

Survive... then thrive.

Do what you need to do (as long as it is legal) to get through the worst days. Survive. Then move towards the future. Work on yourself and get to a place where you are happy. genuinely happy again. A place where you are a BETTER version of yourself. All the lessons you have learned and the new confidence you found within yourself and the battle you have fought.

Survive, then thrive.

Not Right Now

It is funny how even other mothers don't seem to understand, sometimes even the other single mothers I know seem ignorant to what my life is like. I get asked often about going out or joining friends for dinner and most of the time I turn the invitations down. Why? Because I am a single mother who is tired.

I love my life right now. I am happy. I feel content to work, and come home to my beautiful child. We spend a couple hours together before she heads to bed and I get an hour or two to myself before I also turn in. Our bedtimes are 7:30pm and 9pm (give or take) and we rise at 5:30am.

There is no every other weekend. There is no extra income and very little child support. I do all the laundry, every dish is washed by my hands (and my trusty whirlpool), I wipe every surface, vacuum every carpet, prepare/provide every meal, deal with every tantrum, sing every lullaby and kiss every boo boo.

So... No. I can't go to dinner at 7pm on a Thursday. I am sorry, but I can't stay for the "After party" to drink a few beers. I respectively turn down invites left and right, BUT I do accept a few because I know it is important to be with my friends and I do have fun with them. I appreciate that they think of me and make offers, but I still have to explain why sometimes... why I can't go or stay... Why I can't afford a trip or a concert or sometimes even the movies... It is what it is.

I am still happy. I am very much content to snuggle with my Nugget and watch Yo Gabba Gabba on a Friday night and kiss her forehead as she goes to bed.

New, new, new

When I look around my condo I see a mishmash of items that have been handed down, borrowed and won in the divorce. Very few items are things that I was a present for at the time of purchase. This has not really bothered me because I honestly have not had the time or energy to even notice. I had what I needed to get by and that was fine.

Well... recently I have been given the opportunity (new job, paid off lawyer) to upgrade somethings in my life. I am going to start phasing out everything that was my X's. I am keeping the living room furniture and washer/dryer because I picked those out and helped pay for them, but the dishes, cookware and mattress are gone! I sold our good mattress 2 years ago to a friend cause it was brand new, but too big for my mom's house. The dishes are very "bachelor". They don't match and are of poor quality. Most of my spoons were damaged (by X) in the garbage disposal and the pots and pans are old and pretty much suck at life.

I am going to buy what I want! Make my home my own. I couldn't be more excited about it :) I got Nugget some new toy bins, book holders and a bet set for her big girl bed.

The best part? My grandfather was kind enough to leave me a small amount of money that will allow me to upgrade my tiny, 10 year old vehicle. I am in a very happy place right now. Shopping is fun again, instead of stressful and disappointing.

Home Sweet Home

I have my condo to myself once again. I own it. I own the furniture. I own the car parked in the garage. All mine.

Less than two years after having the bottom drop from under me I am able to fully support myself and my daughter without the help of my awesome friends and family (financially). Of course they still support my emotionally and always will, but I am paying my own way 100%.  One tiny step at a time I put my life back together. There is still a ways to go. I aim for one or two goals at a time. Here is what my goal-line looked like.

- Focus on my mental/emotional health and being a great mom to a new baby. ::check::
- Block all visitation and communication between X and my Nugget. (He fought the divorce in court, but I got what I asked for) ::check::
- Pass my certification test. ::check::
- Live on my own (small apt) ::check::
- Get a better job ::check::
- Pay off my lawyer ::check::
- Live on my own in my condo. ::check::
- Pay off remaining debt from divorce
- Get a better car
- Sell the condo
- Buy a place closer to work and my parents

Staying focused, asking for help, pushing myself and letting myself move forward. That is what has worked for me. I hope all of the single moms and dads out there in similar circumstances may be able to see that anything is possible. I am not rich and I sure as hell am not perfect, but I try my hardest and I don't waste a lot of time feeling sorry for myself and complaining... Though I do allow the occasional short pity party,usually about once a month ;)

I know this blog is a huge deal and there may not be many people who read it consistently (can't blame you! I am not a real writer!), but if there is someone out there that feels like they have hit a wall you can always feel free to email me. Maybe just writing the email will help or maybe I can share some of my experiences. Whatever! Just letting you all know I am here.

myattemptblog@gmail.com

“You are doing a good job.”

Today Nugget and I went in for a well-baby check and I left with an unexpected lift in spirits. As usual she was running around saying “Hi!” and “Bye!” to everyone in the waiting room. After getting her weight and height the nurse showed us to our room. I could tell that Nugget was getting a little nervous. For the first time she was becoming aware of what it meant to be in a doctor’s office… and she was not having it!

I spent a few minutes calming her and distracting her with toys until the doctor walked in. I love our doctor and she actually is OUR doctor. She was my doctor first and is board certified in pediatrics as well. It was the natural choice for me to have her care for my daughter. Dr. L is always up on the latest research, has a child close to Nugget’s age and has really taken the time to get to know us and listens closely to all I have to say.

We started by going over the milestone checklist for children Nugget’s age, which she passed with flying colors. Then we went over a short Autism screening (standard of care at the office), again Nugget passed. Dr. L and I chatted about how things were going at home and our routines. During this time Nugget got more comfortable with Dr. L and began to talk to her.

Nugget - ::Points to my shoe:: “That’s Mommy’s shoe.”
Dr. L – “Very Good! Where is your shoe?”
Nugget - ::points to her Hello Kitty sneaker::
Dr. L- “Wow, what a smart girl!”
Nugget – “I like Gabba. Foofa, Pex, Yance. Gabba” (Foofa, Plex and (DJ) Lance from the Show “Yo Gabba Gabba”)
Dr. L – “Cool.”

At this point I explain that she may have gotten more than the usual screen time during her illness… (Oops!) But I am assured that Nugget will live and her brain will not explode from the extended TV time. I felt kind of guilty about it, but she was sick and not in the mood to play. When I was sick I was allowed to be lazy and I gave Nugget the same free pass. Dr. L kind of laughed and told me that Nugget had wonderful language skills for her age. Her enunciation was extremely impressive and her use of sentences was great. She was a very healthy, happy and smart child. Then Dr. L said:

“You are doing a good job. I agree with all of your decisions and I think you are doing a great job, mom.”

She then said goodbye to Nugget and left the room. I sat there for a second and let the last words sink in. I am doing a good job. I have known that I am a good mom, and my close friends and family say it from time to time… but to hear it from someone on the outside of my daily life, a professional no less… well it made me feel really good. She might say it to all or most of the moms in her office, but today she said it to me and it gave my spirits a lift after a really hard week.

Valentine's Day 2012

I am my own Valentine. Yes, I could have made it my daughter, friends or family… but I WANT to be my own Valentine. I have chosen to be alone this year. In the past I was single b/c I felt like nobody wanted me or I was dumped or other outside reasons. Not this year. There is no bitterness or jealousy towards my married/coupled friends. I am happy for them; in fact I helped my BFF pick out the shoes she would be wearing to her V-day dinner with her husband. All of the sappy messages, flowers being sent to work, and other such things used to make me angry or sad. I wanted to get flowers and feel special. That is what it was… I wanted to feel special. I was looking for another person to validate me and tell me that I was an amazing person.


This year I already feel special. I have a confidence that I have never had before. My alone time is wonderful. I LOVE having the freedom that comes with being single. I can focus on Nugget and myself without feeling guilty. I do not want to sound cocky, but I could have easily gotten a date or even had a boyfriend on V-Day… truth is most people could find someone. Please remember thought singles that “someone” or “just anybody” is not good enough.
I have fallen in love with myself. There may be bad days, fights and negative things will most likely be said sometime in the future, but I am in this one for the long haul.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!

Long week, great start to the weekend!

I have mentioned this before, but I have a boyfriend and I have call him Bill on this blog. Well, Bill's truck has been out of order for 4 days, meaning we have not seen each other ::sad face:: This has been a little hard because of all weeks to be kinda cut off from one of my supporters, this was a bad one! I started my second job and Nugget had a cold. My days have been starting at 4am due to Nugget's stuffy nose not being able to sleep past this time... and my 2nd job keeps me going until 9pm... so I am pretty much exhausted.

On nights when I work my second job I have about an hour between jobs to hang out with Nugget and eat. I try to make the best of it and focus on her as much as I can. Bill let me know that his truck was finally fixed and he would come down to see me before I left for J#2. He showed up at my house with pizza so I didn't have to cook AND offered to help my dad watch Nugget that night since my dad's back had been bothering him!
After dinner and quality time, we took Nug to my parent's house and Bill stayed to help my dad

That night when I got home I realize that Bill had gone back over to my apt. at some point, vacuumed and tidied up for me! It was so nice to be able to basically fall into bed and sleep. I am so grateful for all of his help. He treats me so well and I will try to never take that for granted.
THEN this morning my dad stopped by my apartment and dropped off a pumpkin donut from a small local shop!! Yummy!!! I feel a lot less stressed and lucky to have great people in my life and Nugget's. What wonderful male role models!