Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Always be Alert!

Where do I begin?

Recently I encountered a possible sicko at the mall play area. Is this real life? I could barely believe this was happening to me again, though in a much different way. I will say that I have no solid proof that this man was a pedophile, so I thought I would put that out there… innocent until proven guilty and all, whatever.

I took Nugget to the mall to get her some new shoes with a gift card we had received from friend. Normally I avoid the mall like the plague, but free shoes are free shoes! After checking out we headed over to the play area to let Nugget run off some energy before naptime. My sister (Punkin), her fiancé (Booboo) and I watched on as Nugget ran, jumped and played happily. At one point Booboo decided to check out the video game store nearby and Punkin went with him. Fifteen minutes later I started herding my child over to get her shoes on. She was not happy so I took her outside the area to calm her down. That is when I saw him.

A man in a black puffy ski coat and a small black camera in his hands stood up against the outside of the play area wall. He had the camera “hidden” in the fake plant that lined the top of the wall and he was snapping pictures, possibly taking video. I moved closer in order to follow his gaze, maybe I was being overly sensitive and his kids were out there. He was not focused on one child… or two… he was taking pictures across the whole area. The camera remained covered by the plant the whole time. At one point he looked up at me and I know I was staring, maybe even glaring at him. He seemed startled, put the camera in his pocket and walked away. Internally I was freaking out. I couldn’t bring myself to speak the words I want to say. “Do you have a child out there?” or “what are you taking pictures of?” ANYTHING!!! Instead I got my child in her shoes and called Punkin and told her to get back ASAP.

I had every intention of going to security, and then I noticed the man came back! To the other side of the area! I walked over and stood right by him and called mall security, again he walked away. At this point I was having a full blown panic attack. I walked over to the security desk and gave the description to the guard: A man in his late 20s or early 30s, tan/dark possibly Middle Eastern/Indian or Hispanic, black puffy coat, black camera, short hair.

I do not know if they caught him. I do not know for sure if he wanted pictures for inappropriate reasons, but I do know he gave me the chills and his behavior seemed very shady. I would rather report it and be wrong then say nothing. If he is innocent then he has nothing to worry about… but if he was completely innocent why hide your camera inside of the plants? Why stand outside of the play area? Why leave and comeback? Why take pictures of other people’s children?
My gut said creeper. I went with my gut.

I wish Booboo was there at that moment. I wish one of the dads would have approached this guy. I wish I would have done more. In the end I did act, I did report and I encourage all of you to be vigilant at all times.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Valentine's Day 2012

I am my own Valentine. Yes, I could have made it my daughter, friends or family… but I WANT to be my own Valentine. I have chosen to be alone this year. In the past I was single b/c I felt like nobody wanted me or I was dumped or other outside reasons. Not this year. There is no bitterness or jealousy towards my married/coupled friends. I am happy for them; in fact I helped my BFF pick out the shoes she would be wearing to her V-day dinner with her husband. All of the sappy messages, flowers being sent to work, and other such things used to make me angry or sad. I wanted to get flowers and feel special. That is what it was… I wanted to feel special. I was looking for another person to validate me and tell me that I was an amazing person.

This year I already feel special. I have a confidence that I have never had before. My alone time is wonderful. I LOVE having the freedom that comes with being single. I can focus on Nugget and myself without feeling guilty. I do not want to sound cocky, but I could have easily gotten a date or even had a boyfriend on V-Day… truth is most people could find someone. Please remember thought singles that “someone” or “just anybody” is not good enough.
I have fallen in love with myself. There may be bad days, fights and negative things will most likely be said sometime in the future, but I am in this one for the long haul.


Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Random thoughts

Some people are just dumb. I mean that. Today's society has far too many individuals who do not take the proper time to think BEFORE they speak. I would like to share some comments and questions that have come my way far too many times over the past roughly 2 years.

1) "So, did you know that your (ex)husband was involved in any of this?" Umm NO! Who in their right mind would have been living with a known pedophile? Who would just ignore those kind of red flags like that? While I am more than sure it has happened, I highly doubt those people would willing just say "Yeah I knew. Just waiting for the police to catch up!"

I knew nothing. I was one of his victims, though I was a victim in a very different sense. IF I had known I would also be in jail/prison as an accessory and PS.... would you really be talking to me if you TRULY thought I had known about any of this and remained with the man?

2) "Wow, you are lucky she looks just like you!" While in a way I am glad for my daughter that she looks like me, which may make things slightly easier for her, maybe... I would not love her any less if she looked like my X. I would never take any negative feelings I have towards him and place them on her, even if she was his twin. She is Nugget. She is beautiful. Having a mini-me is fun to joke about, but I want her to be herself always.

3) This is a comment I get more than I would have ever thought as a single mom, and it usually comes from people who are pretty much strangers! "So... Where is her father?" or "Is the father involved?" or "So why are you divorced?" People, these questions are just not appropriate. You are not my close friend, a family member or my lawyer... so you have no good reason to ask this question. I would never walk up to a mom in the park and ask her at what age she lost her virginity? It is a very personal question! The fact that you bring up those questions while in the presence of Nugget makes me want to throat pinch you!

4) "Do you want more kids someday? Get married again?" Yes, actually I would love nothing more than to find a wonderful partner and have another child. It hurts to think that Nugget may be an only child. I would love to hold my own newborn baby in my arms again. To have a wonderful and deserving man by my side this time. The truth is that it may not be in the cards and I am not going to snap my fingers and make Mr. Right appear. I refuse to settle, because Nugget and I deserve the best and I know there are amazing men out there. If I am lucky I will be destined to fall in love with one. Until that happens I am focused on my family. You bet your sweet ass that Nugget and I are a family. Just the two of us and we are doing quite well.