Sunday, July 29, 2012

Random single mom problems

When your child falls asleep in the car and they are now to big and heavy to gracefully carry them to bed. Instead they wake up and think they have been asleep for 10 hours already...

You try to convince yourself that you are a strong independent woman... except you fall prey to the cliche pickle jar problem.

If you don't do it, it doesn't get done. PERIOD! (and PS I do not want to hear married women complain about this. If your partner isn't helping then that is partly your fault for standing for it. This may sound harsh but it is true is 99% of the time, baring a partner with physical disabilities that make it impossible for them to do ANYTHING)

I am just so tired today. All I want to do is take a long nap. I can't though, cause there is so much to do and only a short time to do it without a small person attached to my side.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Nugget's 2nd Birthday

This Friday my daughter will be 2 years old. In those two years she has been more than she will ever remember. I have been the one to bear all the burdens. It has been me who has made sure her life was as happy as possible. She made it much easier because who would not be happy around Nugget, especially on a good day.

I have arranged time this coming Sunday for my X-ILs to see Nugget and celebrate her Birthday. We will spend a couple hours with her grandparents and my X-SIL/BIL (M & R). I really like M and R. They have always had my back even saying they would stand behind me in court if ever needed, but though my ILs have made a good effort to always follow my rules I find myself uncomfortable around them. I KNOW they will bring a gift "from" X. I will say thank you and set it aside.

Why? You may ask? Because my therapist and other mental health professionals have told me that someday it will be better for Nugget to know that her biological father did not forget her. Every person wants to know where they come from even if just for informational purposes. She most likely will not ever want anything other than information and I will have to honor that. I refuse to give her any communication (not that he has sent any) until she is 18. When she is an adult and I feel she truly understands how dangerous he is I will let her read the notes he wrote to me before going into prison. I honestly think it will show her how sick he really is. For now she is 2. She is a happy toddler and I will put up with my ILs becuase they do care about Nugget and they ARE following my rules.

Anyway... The love of my life will turn 2 on Friday. I remember her birth like it was yesterday. Maybe I will re-post her birth story this week. I miss my baby sometimes, but I love my little lady. Everyday my only wish is that she knows how much I love her and how dedicated I am to her having the best life possible.

Happy Birthday Nugget!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012


I have to find my patience again. I want so badly to be the zen, centered, peaceful mother I see on TV or read about in blogs. The one who never raises her voice or feels exhausted.

Alas, I am human and not supernatural. I get angry and sometimes I yell. I send my kid to time out about 20 times a day and we both take two minutes to chill, because you see my child has a temper like me as well. Don't get me wrong, we don't freak out or get violent... just frustrated and hard headed.

I would venture to guess that the wish of most single mom is to never worry about money ever again. Yes there are some single parents out there who have plenty of money, whether they work hard for it or not... Good for them and I mean that sincerely. I want nothing more than to see my counter parts succeed! BUT I am not going to lie I am jealous. I KNOW money doesn't buy happiness. I am happy, but my stress level is high due to bills being DUE.

I have to let it go... Let it go... Do what I can, then let it go...