Monday, September 26, 2011

The good news just keeps on rollin in!

More good news in my life. After 6 months of studying, I passed my Clinical Research Certification Exam!! I am now certified in my field and with this comes more opportunities. It means more pay and job offers. I am so excited! I really did work my butt off to get prepared for this exam. Between Nugget, 2 jobs, a new relationship and household chores... well, I feel pretty awesome about this achievement.

I also received a few things from the state this weekend, my CSEA debit card that will be used for my child support payments and a letter from the Ohio Attorney General letting my know that my X's appeal for a shorter sentence has been denied! Getting this child support is going to really make Nugget and my life SOO much easier. I agreed to a smaller payment amount on the one condition that it is actually paid. Should payments not be received for 2 months the amount will default to the original number suggested by CSEA. As far as the appeal being denied, that is just the icing on the cake! How he thought there were any grounds for his sentenced to be shortened is beyond me... but I guess they will always try.

Let go over the list of recent GOOD things in my life:
  • Divorce will be final 10/6/11
  • I will be begin receiving child support
  • X's appeal was denied
  • I passed my certification exam
  • I have a wonderful new (ish) man in my life
  • My daughter is so smart and adorable!
  • My family is super supportive and helpful
  • I am working my way out of debt!
Some good things can happen by chance, but you can also make good things happen by working hard. If you ever feel like your life is falling apart, be strong enough to look inside yourself and find something you can change. You CAN make good things happen. It took me over a year, but LOOK! Look at how far I have come! Yes, I am giving myself a big pat on the back :)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

October 6th.

Just about one month shy of what would have been my two year anniversary I will be officially divorced! The paperwork is ready and all it needs is the judges signature. I can't wait to change my name legally to match my daughter's, to feel another tie to him cut forever.

We were married for only 7 months before he was arrested and we officially separated. October 6th will mark 1 year and 4 months of separation. So, while on paper we will have been married for two years, the real story is much different. I will be a divorcee at age 27, but I did not fail. This is a victory is all the people who have ever been married a person only to find that they had been lied to, manipulated and had their lives turned upside down. I am proud of myself for being strong enough to fight for this divorce.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Long week, great start to the weekend!

I have mentioned this before, but I have a boyfriend and I have call him Bill on this blog. Well, Bill's truck has been out of order for 4 days, meaning we have not seen each other ::sad face:: This has been a little hard because of all weeks to be kinda cut off from one of my supporters, this was a bad one! I started my second job and Nugget had a cold. My days have been starting at 4am due to Nugget's stuffy nose not being able to sleep past this time... and my 2nd job keeps me going until 9pm... so I am pretty much exhausted.

On nights when I work my second job I have about an hour between jobs to hang out with Nugget and eat. I try to make the best of it and focus on her as much as I can. Bill let me know that his truck was finally fixed and he would come down to see me before I left for J#2. He showed up at my house with pizza so I didn't have to cook AND offered to help my dad watch Nugget that night since my dad's back had been bothering him!
After dinner and quality time, we took Nug to my parent's house and Bill stayed to help my dad

That night when I got home I realize that Bill had gone back over to my apt. at some point, vacuumed and tidied up for me! It was so nice to be able to basically fall into bed and sleep. I am so grateful for all of his help. He treats me so well and I will try to never take that for granted.
THEN this morning my dad stopped by my apartment and dropped off a pumpkin donut from a small local shop!! Yummy!!! I feel a lot less stressed and lucky to have great people in my life and Nugget's. What wonderful male role models!

Monday, September 12, 2011

My Sister

My sister is a unique being. She is not always the easiest person to get along with, in fact she can be pretty off putting, but really she is a pretty cool person.

I like to think of my sister of a cross between a toddler and an 80 year old man. I can totally see her sitting on her front porch telling teenagers to get their disrespectful, under-clothed asses off her lawn... while at the same time inviting the local kindergartners to run through her sprinkler as she waters her lawn. Sometimes she just doesn't make sense. She will drop everything to go to a professional soccer game, but getting her to play in a coed game is like pulling teeth sometimes.

You never really know what you are going to get in a lot of ways. EXCEPT when it comes to the big stuff. I know she would step up in a crisis. I know she loves me and even says it out loud sometimes! LOL In all seriousness she is who she is and I do love her for that. She has made some really good decisions in regard to her lifestyle. She does not drink, smoke or do drugs. She is a member of the Straight Edge movement.

People may not understand our relationship. We are very different. One moment we are fighting and 5 mins later we are getting ice cream together. I don't think she knows this, but I prefer to do most activities with her. When she is in a god mood she is super fun. I also like that we think alike in a lot of ways. We side eye the same people, we are both pretty adventurous and we can tell when either of us is done. I love my BFF but she is a shopper, like she will wonder around the mall from store to store just trying stuff on for fun... I HATE the mall and shopping... so it is nice to go with my sister cause she keeps the trip short and is honest with me about how I look.

She is the first one I call when I am bored. She is great with me daughter. She has my back. In the end she is what a sister should be. Our differences seem glaring, but our commonalities are far greater and that is what keeps us close.

Friday, September 9, 2011


My post about my sister is being put on hold until Monday, Sorry Sarah!


My X finally accepted the child support number! We will approach the judge next week and then it is all a matter of signing some paperwork! I am SOOOO freakin excited! Time to CELEBRATE!!!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

My Brother

Every girl should be lucky enough to have a brother. Besides my dad my brother was one for my two closest male role models. He is seriously one of the hardest working and bravest guys that I know. The challenges he has faced have been many and yet he pushed through, never gave up and is now a man that any woman would be lucky to have in her life.

My brother faced challenges before he was even born. My mom's amniotic fluid was dangerously low and Z (my brother) was measuring small. The doctors induced labor and my mom gave birth to a 5lb baby boy. His apgars were very low at first and he was pale/yellow. With some careful nursing he bounced back. This may have set the tone for his childhood. In the first grade he was diagnosed with 2 learning disabilities, dyslexia and dysgraphia (reading and writing problems). On top of that he was also ADHD. I know many children are prematurely diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, but my brother was truly battling this disorder. Can you imagine seeing words backwards, having a horrible time trying to write and on top of that lacking the ability to focus! He has such a hard time that my parents made the decision to have him repeat Kindergarten.

We grew up two years apart in age, yet one grade level apart. In the end I think we were both happy to be so close in school. We could help each other and watch out for each other. My mom once said her second job was helping Z get through school. Not because he was a bad student, not because he didn't try his hardest, but because the learning disabilities took such a tole on his self esteem. He would get frustrated, sometimes he would call himself stupid and cry... it was heartbreaking. He could not understand why he had so much trouble with what seemed so easy for everyone else. Don't even get me started on standardized testing. In 9th grade all the students in Ohio were required to take the ERB test. You have to pass this test in order to graduate. My brother's learning disabilities made this task almost as difficult as climbing Mt Everest. He had to train, practice, focus. You could only take it once a year and my brother did not pass it the first 3 years. His senior year we were all praying, hoping and holding our breath. The day we found out he passed I think my mom cried, Z may have too. It was honestly inspirational.
On top of everything else he was small for his age, even being the oldest in his class he was smaller than most of the other boys in middle school and high school. My parents used to give him protein shakes in order to help him gain weight.

In the end my brother grew in every way. He is now a mature and educated man. I am proud to tell you that he not only graduated high school, but went to college! He is now a manager at a landscaping company. Ladies hold on to your butts cause not only did he mature emotionally... he hadgained 40lb of muscle!!

He is kind, generous, caring, loyal and smart. I don't tell him enough how much I admire him, but I do. My brother is pretty much amazing.

I know ads are annoying, but I try to keep them on topic. I have picked out some resources here that may help those dealing with ADD, ADHD, Dyslexia or Dysgraphia.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

My Mom

Mothers are truly special to most children. They are the first person you will ever bond with. From in the womb you learn their smell, taste in foods and the sound of her voice. After you are born you are fed from her breast (at least in my case) and you are never more calm then when you are in her arms. That feeling never totally goes away. Sometimes a hug from your mother can make everything right, even for a brief moment.

Rosemary, my mom, was one of 6 kids. She has three sisters and two brothers. She is the youngest girl and has a reputation as the rebel of the group. She was a hippie in the 60's and 70's. She protested, burn her bra and is a feminist. At one point she decided not to have children because she believe the world was so currupt that it would be unfair to the child... It is funny to here her say things like that. Despite all of her crazy stories she ended up being a very normal, very loving mother.

My mom threw herself into motherhood. Breastfeeding for at least 6 months and usually longer (2 out of 3 kids were BF'd for almost a year). She took her babies everywhere strapped to her chest or back. Made baby food from scratch... you get the point! My mom was involved. She was always there for us and still is.

When my X was arrested my dad, sister and brother all went into anger mode. They were all pissed at X and spent most of there time talking about how horrible he was (true of course, but I was not there yet), my mom was the only one who held back. She knew that no matter how horrible my X was, I was still falling out of love with him. I needed to be handled with care. Hearing every detail all at once was too much for me. I needed to go through the fog that had settled in front of me.

I was for lack of a better term, a mess. There were a lot of tears. I had trouble eating and sleeping. My mom made sure to remind me to eat or have a protien shake. She sat up with me as I cried and came back into my room in the middle of the night when I was scared to be alone. She encouraged me and supported me as I began to stand up for myself and my daughter. She gave me the truth when I needed it while still letting me make my own choices. After me c-section she took care of me just as she had years before, when I had open heart surgery.

My mom and I do not alway get along, mostly because we are so much alike, but it is because of this that I know she will always be there for me. She knows the same is true for me. Our hearts are loyal, true and tender. Everyone should be so lucky as to have a mother like mine.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

My Dad

My father is everything a father should be. Funny, kind, gentle, tough when he needs to be and trustworthy. He can goof around with you one minute and discipline you the next. You respect him as his child and the respect comes from a good place and not a place of fear. I will always be grateful that I was blessed with such an amazing example of what a Dad really is. Dads are supposed to be protectors. They make their children, especially their little girls, feel safe and loved. Beyond this a good dad challenges their children. My dad pushed me.

When my brother started playing little league my dad was his coach. He was a great coach and the boys in my brother's class were always excited to learn they would be playing for my father. At the time there was no girls softball league... so my dad invited me to practice with the boys. At first I was embarrassed, but my dad told me that it was all about how hard I tried and not how good I was. I will never forget stepping up to the plate, staring at the boy I had a crush on as he pitched me the ball. I missed pitch after pitch, strike after strike. I wanted to cry. My dad pulled me off to the side and told me to be tough. Missing a few pitches, striking out was no reason to cry. It was my first try at bat! Not everyone even has the courage to step up to the plate. He pointed out that most of the boys were striking out too. He ended the talk by saying that if at the end of the season I was not having fun then I didn't have to play baseball/softball, but I had made a commitment to practice with him and I have to honor that commitment.

I retired my bat for the day and took off into the feild. My dad had a lot of faith in me he let me rotate every position just like the rest of the boys. It was when I was at second base that something happened. A classmate of mine hit a hard, bouncing, ground ball to me. I went to field it and it popped up and hit me in the nose. I threw the ball to first base and ran off the diamond, I was hurt. As I sat crying on the bench with my mom and a bag of ice I thought about how enbarrassed I was. All the boys must think I am such a baby!

Practice ended and we loaded into the car. My dad was smiling and asked me how I felt. I told him my face hurt and I felt stupid. He laughed at me! When we got home he sat with me and told me that he was proud of me. He watched the play unfold from the sidelines and though he wanted to run out and comfort me as soon as he saw me get hit... he was glad he held back.

"Do you realize that you still got the out?" Dad said to me.
"What?" I responded
"You got hit in the face, hard, and still managed to make the throw to first before you broke down and cried! For a seven year old that shows a lot of guts and dedication. You are going to be an amazing athlete."

My dad still tells that story. To this day he references it to remind me how tough I am. It is partly because of him that I have the guts to push through the bad times. He helped shape me into a strong woman. Knowing he is behind me, watching the plays unfold, pushing me and ready to jump in and help only when necessary gives me the confidence I need to keep moving forward. Now Nugget has the honor of having my dad in her life. Pop Pop as she calls him, will always be there for her. He will show her what it is to be a good man... and he will also show her how to throw a baseball.

Friday, September 2, 2011

What is in a name?: A letter to Juliet.

William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet
"What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;" -Juliet (Romoe and Juliet)

Dear Juliet,

You pose an interesting question. What IS in a name? Does changing your name really change who you are? How you feel? I am here to tell you that names do in fact hold a significant amount of power.

Every day your name is used hundreds of times. It is among the first words spoken during an introduction. When you send emails it sits in your signature, at the end of letters and when written in cursive can serve as pledge... a contractual promise to others. Nothing is legal without at least one signature. A name to seal a promise. When a woman changes her name and takes that of her husband it shows that she has made a pledge to him. The groom gives his name as a gift, to let his wife know that he wants to be bound to her. Now they are identified together as a unit.

A name identifies you. Like it or not words do carry more than just s dictionary definition, they hold meaning. Names are no different. They are a part of history, your family tree and your life. It is proven that bearing certain names can bring more prosperity. On the flip side there are also names that are shown to hinder a persons success in the workplace. There is a reason the use of the name Adolf, once popular in Germany, is practically extinct there now.

Now lets talk about this rose. If it were called a poopchute would the smell change? No, but poopchute isn't very poetic is it? Would a flower with a less melodious name be the subject of prose, sonnets or song? I argue it would not. Like the rose, I am the same under any name. Rebecca A or Rebecca X, I am always Becca... but under the name X I have suffered greatly. I am associated with a disgusting man and his crimes. I made the choice to not pass on this name to my daughter, she deserves better. I live for the day to be legally who I am spiritually "Rebecca A". To be set free from the name that has brought me no happiness.

You see Juliet. A name may not be everything, but it is something. I believe it is something so dearly important that a person should fight for it. I know this may be a hard concept to grasp as a 13-15 year old girl.... but I hope someday my daughter will look at me and thank me for giving her not only my maiden name, but my middle name. I know she will wear the name proudly and build on the already deep meaning they hold within our family.

In closing, Juliet, I suggest not getting to wrapped up in this Romeo character. Word on the street is that last week he was in love with some chick named Rosaline... just saying maybe you two should take it slow.

Sincerely the woman formally known and hopefully soon to be known as again,

Rebecca A

Thursday, September 1, 2011

New design

Enjoy the new design... I just needed a change :)