tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64392841717111132562024-03-05T12:59:34.578-05:00My AttemptThis is my attempt to move on after a dramatic and life changing event. It is a blog of emotional survival.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.comBlogger231125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-45327288639112361792015-04-13T16:42:00.002-04:002015-04-13T16:42:35.283-04:00It has been long time...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I know it has been a long time... I honestly have not had anything interesting to write about. I have been happy and busy and my creative juices just have not been flowing. Unfortunately I have something to write about today and it is a very painful topic. It is regarding the death of a child. I want to give fair warning for those who may not want to continue reading... cause this is tough.<br />
<br />
His name is Michael and he was 10 years old. His hair was a dirty blonde with a hint of strawberry. The first time I held his hand was on his death bed. We had only ever spoken about 5 words to one another at the get together's of mutual friends, yet there I was, in a hospital room holding his icy cold hand, humming to him and periodically petting his head when he left this world. I am sure I am one of the last people this child would have expected to be there when he died, I am SURE nobody expected it to be happening so soon. The whole experience was surreal.<br />
<br />
Michael had a heart condition that I still do not know the specifics of. His mother has been a friend of my husband's for almost 20 years, so when M was admitted to the hospital with serious complications our close group of friends were told almost immediately. We rallied around this single mother who was by her son's side almost every minute for over a week as the doctors tried everything to save this boy. He had emergency surgery, then we waited, test after test was performed, then we waited some more. Finally his mother was told M would need a heart transplant. He was put on the transplant list and again we waited. The whole time we were all praying, thinking good thoughts, raising money for the medical expenses for the transplant that M was sure to get... but then his kidneys started to fail...<br />
<br />
When I woke up Tuesday morning I was devastated to read the latest update on Michael's condition. He had coded twice through the night and after running a brain scan it was found that he had severe brain trauma and would not pull through. I cried at work and made arrangements to leave early so I could go support M's mother and say goodbye. Expecting only to be there for a short time as to not overwhelm M's mother, just show here we were there for her, I asked my parents to pick up Nugget and watch her for an hour.<br />
<br />
Upon arrival at the hospital we were all hit with the reality that this child would not be with us much longer. His mother was distraught of course, and after a long week of ups, downs and lots of waiting she just could not bear to watch her child die. She mentioned that the grandparents would be staying with him as he passed, but we could not find the grandparents. I can't explain this feeling I had, but I could not leave until I knew for sure this child would have someone to hold his hand. It was like an extreme, acute anxiety. as the mother said her excruciating goodbye we could still not find the grandparents. It turns out they had left the hospital and they were not planning on being there at the end. (**I just want to say that I hold no judgement towards this family or how they were grieving. M's mother was so emotionally broken and she did everything she could do. I ask anyone reading this not to look at her in a negative light, cause I was there and her love for this boy was never in question. She is good mom. period) When we got the information about the grandparents leaving I asked M's mom if she wanted anyone to stay. No matter how anxious I was feeling, I would never go against a mother's wishes, if she would have been uncomfortable with me staying I would have followed her out and prayed from the lobby. She said that if we felt like we could (My husband and I) she would be thankful if we stayed.<br />
<br />
I stayed. There was no hesitation. I couldn't leave, no matter how much I wanted to and I did want to. I wanted to go home and hug my daughter. I wanted to send this boy good thoughts, go hug my friends and cry. I stayed. I went into my inner mom mode, I told myself to be calm and steady for this boy so he could pass away in peace. I would breakdown later. My husband and my BIL stayed as well.<br />
<br />
His hand was already cold from poor circulation. I held it softly. His blue finger tips tucked between palms. I wanted to sing him a lullaby, it was a strange urge. Like I was trying to calm a baby, it is what I do when I need to soothe my own sick child... but I couldn't sing without choking up, so I hummed quietly. I am not sure if anyone else could even hear it. The doctors and nurses were amazing. Very kind and gentle. They told us everything they were doing and what to expect. They kept a respectful distance after the machines were turned off. We stayed there until the doctor said he was gone, I had already felt the warmth leave his brow by that point. I knew he had passed before the doctor's confirmation.<br />
<br />
When we walked out of the room there were other families in the hall. Some were laughing or talking about dinner. Others were solemn like us. Where do you go from here? When you witness something like this it is hard to bring yourself back to the little realities. I had to call my mom and check in on Nugget. My mom (who I had updated earlier via text message) told me she thought I had done a wonderful thing and wanted to make sure I was ok. Nugget was already in bed at their house, no need to worry about picking her up, they had it all handled. My father took the phone and told me he was proud of me. I did not know what I did would cause this kind of reaction. I was just trying to comfort a child and a give a mother peace of mind, but that is the reaction I got from a lot of people who found out about my experience.<br /><br />I don't feel like I did anything amazing. I feel like I did the only thing I could do. I was actually afraid I was stepping on some toes... M's mom hugged me the next time I saw her and thanked me again for everything I had done. It was hard and it was sad... and I would always make the same choice.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-41012582192753801932014-10-06T12:12:00.000-04:002014-10-06T12:12:33.066-04:00WEDDING WEEK!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I am getting married this week! I should say WE are getting married, since this is just as much about growing our family as it is me marrying my wonderful fiance.<br />
<br />
Nugget is so excited. It is all she talks about. She keeps saying she is so happy to be in Mommy and Daddy's wedding. I am so thankful she loves him and he loves her. It is like a dream how great they are together.<br />
<br />
Another piece of proof that if you take the time to get yourself together you will always be happy. Because whether I was getting married or not I would be happy, now I just get to share that happiness :)</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-74108240421140545672014-08-26T13:46:00.002-04:002014-08-26T13:46:52.065-04:00Letter from Prison: OUR Daughter<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Last week I received another letter from my X. This comes on the verge of me remarrying. When Nugget and I are happily adding a worthy man to our family. A man I wish would be able to adopt Nugget and legal be her father. How ironic it is to magically get a letter from him now.<br />
<br />
This letter was much shorter than the rest. In it he says my name several times. "Becca, I want this...." and "I am not asking much Becca..."<br />
<br />
I know he is doing this as a psychological tactic, I also know he knows about my upcoming marriage. I am not surprised since his parents do visit and they know. He is feeling even more loss of control.<br />
<br />
The one thing this letter makes very clear is that he will never leave us alone. He says Caroline is "OUR" daughter and repeats it.<br />
<br />
I have news for him... she is not his daughter. She is a product of his DNA, but she is not his daughter. She never will be. She has a wonderful man in her life now that loves her the way a daddy should love his daughter and she loves him back. She begs to stay up till her daddy gets home so she can give him a hug before she sleeps. She asks me to send him videos of her telling him: "Good morning daddy! I love you sooo much!"<br />
<br />
This family consists of Becca, Bobby and Nugget. Mommy, Daddy and Daughter.<br />
<br />
Our Daughter.<br />
<br />
No room and no love for X.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-9635251337822987682014-07-29T16:57:00.002-04:002014-07-29T16:57:38.074-04:00Fighting the fight!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
R. Kelly was going to be headlining a music festival here in Columbus, OH. A friend of mine alerted me through facebook and lead a campaign of local residents AGAINST bringing him here to perform. The man is a sexual predator, whether he has been convicted YET or not, the trail of lawsuits do not lie. He has been cited as a child predator by SEVERAL young girls 12-17 yrs of age who were claim they were exploited and preyed upon by the singer. Reference this article for more info: <a href="http://blogs.villagevoice.com/music/2013/12/read_the_stomac.php">Village Voice</a><br />
<br />
Anyway! After reading some replies stating that R. Kelly may be evil, but "He puts on a good show!" or "He can really perform!" I had to say something. So, I responded with the following:<br />
<br />
<ul style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; left: 10px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px 0px 20px 60px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.15em; position: relative; z-index: 0;">
<li>"It's actually very common for sexual predators to put on a good show. That is how they lure their victims."</li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">This was quoted in several articles written after Kelly was removed from the festival lineup. Thank you COLUMBUS for standing up for what is right! </span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;">I love my town. I am glad I was able to help the effort. </span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"><a href="http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/music/2014/07/28/columbus-ohio-festival-boots-r-kelly-after-backlash/13296055/">USA Today Article</a></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><a href="http://madamenoire.com/452708/ohio-festival-removes-r-kelly-from-lineup-after-public-backlash/">madamenoire</a></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<a href="http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/6193431/r-kelly-ohio-festival-protests">Billboard</a></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-33353324320255266672014-07-28T11:07:00.001-04:002014-07-28T11:07:20.528-04:00Friends First<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have truly been blessed when it comes to my relationship with my FI. Our long history as friends made so many things, so much easier. The trust between us is amazing. I have never felt so entirely sure of any man I have been with, EVER. I thought I trusted a few boyfriends before, but I was wrong! I trust him to take care of me and Nugget when I need help. I trust his heart not to stray. I trust him to grow with me and not away from me. I trust him to be honest even if it is hard.<br />
<br />
It is so great. I can't wait to marry this man.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-22260229252346982292014-06-19T10:40:00.003-04:002014-06-19T10:40:50.746-04:00Daddy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Since my Fiance (FI) moved in about a month ago we have left it to Nugget to decide what to call him and how fast their bond/relationship would grow. FI has been in Nugget's life since she was born, he has never been a stranger and slowly over the last 7 months (Nugget was not introduced to FI as my boyfriend the first few months of our relationship, until we were serious and committed) their relationship has grown naturally.<br />
<br />
There was never moment where we forced her to interact. When FI proposed he ask Nugget if he could join our family. Nugget has not stopped talking about our wedding ever since. Over the past couple weeks the word "Daddy" has been used by her randomly and last week it seems to have become permanent. On Father's Day this year she greeted FI at the bottom of the steps, present in hand and excitedly yelled:<br />
<br />
"Happy Daddy's Day! I love you sooo much!"<br />
<br />
It was a wonderful moment for all of us. The smile on her face and the expression of pure happiness on her face showed me again that I made the best decision for our family by loving this man and bringing him into our crazy life.<br />
<br />
Happy Father's Day had a new meaning this year, and it was amazing.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-29569195731249397692014-05-28T10:35:00.003-04:002014-05-28T10:35:31.283-04:00Mourning My Single Mom Life<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
This past weekend my fiance moved in with Nugget and I.
Words cannot describe how happy this makes me. It is nice to have him close and
to not have to worry about little things like travel time between houses or doing
everything around my house all by myself and of course just being able to get a
kiss before and after work!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That being said this post is about the “loss” of my former
life. Moving forward is always a mix of emotions. No matter how hard the past
was, there is always a piece of it that made you happy and that you will look
back on fondly. For me and Nugget our life together as a family of two is over.
This makes me sad. We have accomplished so much together and against all odds
we were very happy. She learned to walk, talk, laugh, and everything that has
made her the amazing girl she is today. As for me, in the last 4 years I have grown
as well. I passed my certification test, found a better job, was able to keep
my home and became more confident in myself. We did all of that together, as a
team… a team of two. Now FI (fiance) has joined our ranks. Like I said before I
am beyond joyful to have him, but I will mourn the loss of my old life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is scary to move forward sometimes, sometimes it is
exciting and sometimes both. It is OK to be a little sad to leave that all
behind. I am proud of myself and my daughter for getting through the most
stressful time in my life. Now looking back I can truly appreciate how hard it was,
how much we overcame and how thankful I am to grow our family. <o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-89002725436678643172014-05-13T09:37:00.001-04:002014-05-13T09:37:15.781-04:00More FAQs<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I know I have done a post similar to this before, I think the last one was done out of frustration... this one is hopefully more helpful. The following are Frequently Asked Questions:<br />
<br />
1) How do you stay so positive?<br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li> <i> </i><b>It is the easiest and hardest thing is the world. Make the decision to be happy, easy! Work hard to make it happen... this can be hard depending on the day. On bad days I remind myself that worse has happened and I got through it. Focus on the good and lean into it.</b></li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
2) How can you remain calm when your X says stuff to get a rise out of you?<br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><b>This becomes much easier when you realize that he/she has no power over you. If you get visibly upset or drop to their level then they win. I get mad. I am not always cool, but I express in in private moments when I am safe to "lose control". I actually get joy out of seeing a mean, manipulative person scrambling and throwing out low blows because it means they are desperate and scared. Let them be scared, let them stew in their feeling of powerlessness. Keep the angry texts, emails and document verbal assaults. When you stand in front of a judge your X will have done nothing but help your case with his/her own angry words.</b></li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
3) When does it get easier?<br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><b>Emotionally? I can't pinpoint an exact time. This is different for everyone. Though if I think about it... every day gets a little easier. If you stay focused on the important things and work through any sadness and anger your road will be easier. The longer you hold on to negative feelings the longer it will take. You have all heard of emotional baggage? Well, imagine all of your negative emotions as baggage. It is much easier to get from point A to point B with only a carry on or even 1 full size roller bag then it is to get there with a full matching set of suitcases!</b></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img height="200" src="http://icuimage.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/too-much-luggage-21.jpg" style="text-align: left;" width="132" /> vs <img height="200" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQpmg0yTj9N_ctsXolK32wmPZg7lGaSIrBew5mVYn7eAmX8sf3RaA" style="text-align: left;" width="133" /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><b>Day to day stuff, like running a single parent household, gets easier much quicker. You will find a groove and set into your new routine. In a previous post I have mentioned the joys of living as a single person. It has many perks! Enjoy!</b></li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
4) When did you know your were ready to date?<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><b>I spent one year as a single woman before I felt the urge to date. I went out with a nice man for 5 months and then realized I was not ready yet. It takes a lot of self reflection cause I really wanted to be with someone, but I was not happy with myself, so I put a dating life on hold. I spent another two years single. After the first month of being lonely a switch flipped and I had NO DESIRE TO DATE... for TWO YEARS. Then one day after hanging out with some friends I had a moment. I kissed a man who had previously been no more than a friend. The rest is history. </b></li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
5) Do you wish you hadn't met him (my X)?<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li><b>No. not for a second. My life would have been much easier, no doubt, but I have Nugget. Yes, I am stronger because of my tragedy. Yes, I have learned lessons that have made me a better person, but really it is all about Nugget. Without X, I would not have Nugget and as many mothers will tell you, I can't imagine life without her.</b></li>
</ul>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-2252240723688653072014-05-08T15:33:00.001-04:002014-05-08T15:33:29.921-04:00I am 30!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
What have I accomplished and experienced in my 30 years?<br />
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li>I completed 18 years of school. Including graduating college.</li>
<li>I played in competitive soccer leagues and softball.</li>
<li>Learned Spanish and visited Spain twice.</li>
<li>Seen the Atlantic Ocean, Pacific Ocean, Gulf of Mexico and the Mediterranean Sea</li>
<li>Been on a Caribbean cruise</li>
<li>Became Certified in my field</li>
<li>Had open heart surgery</li>
<li>Auditioned for a reality show</li>
<li>Joined a sorority</li>
<li>Performed on stage in musicals and plays</li>
<li>Sang a solo in front of over 200 people</li>
<li>Was offered a full ride scholarship for soccer</li>
<li>Worked as a landscaper, caterer, barista, secretary and Research Coordinator</li>
<li>Been married and divorced (I celebrated the divorce more!)</li>
<li>Made many wonderful friends</li>
<li>Had a beautiful daughter</li>
<li>been a single mom</li>
<li>Ran some 5ks</li>
<li>Been a camp counselor</li>
<li>went to Canada and Mexico</li>
<li>Owned a dog</li>
<li>Read many books</li>
<li>Hosted a radio show</li>
<li>Performed improv comedy</li>
<li>Was crowned Queen (homecoming lol)</li>
<li>Written a blog ;)</li>
<li>Became financially independent and then did it again post divorce</li>
<li>Found myself </li>
<li>Opened up to love again and got engaged</li>
<li>Managed to be the head of a happy little family that will be growing by 1 here very soon (AKA when I get married! No new baby yet!)</li>
</ol>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-82906143285622103982014-04-30T09:56:00.003-04:002014-04-30T09:56:39.114-04:00Flashes of Sad<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Even in the depths of extreme happiness there can be flashes of sadness. Planning a wedding and a life together are fun and exciting, but then there are small practical things that get you. My name. Nugget's name. I want to have my husband's name, but I want my child to share my name as well. I was explaining the process of getting married to Nugget and that a lot of women (and some men) change their last name. I told her I will most like have two last names (hyphenate). She expressed the desire to take my Fiance's last name too. She wants to be an Anderson-Smith*, and she kept saying her name out loud with both last names each time for over 5 mins.<br />
<br />
It really hurts my heart that the laws in OH make it very hard for me to let my child share the last name of the family she wants to be recognized as. She will always be told that no matter what her last name is she is loved more than anything by her mom and her Dad. Yes, her Dad. The man that has known her since birth, supported and loved her her since age 3. Nugget tells me all the time that when I am married she will call my Fiance "Dad" and that she wants to and is excited to have "the best dad ever!". The happiness I feel cannot be described. They are wonderful together.<br />
<br />
After I am married I will ask my X to give up his parental rights. He will most likely say no, which is his right in our state, but I will push. Nugget deserves it.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-6736942343215665022014-04-16T15:21:00.001-04:002014-04-16T15:21:01.734-04:00I am engaged!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Well readers... I am engaged!<br />
<br />
My fiance and I have been a couple for 8 months and close friends for almost 14 years. I am overjoyed and happy.<br />
<br />
There are still going to be many struggle ahead, but I am glad to have a great partner by my side.<br />
<br />
He asked me and gave me a beautiful ring while we were our of town on a mini getaway. When we got home he gave Nugget a locket and let her know he wanted us all to be a family. It was super sweet.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-92203570427937551682014-04-08T15:26:00.000-04:002014-04-08T15:26:54.424-04:00One month to go!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I will be 30 in one month! Last year I made a list in hopes of having 30 new experiences before I hit 30. I think it is time to check in and see how it is going and what I need to do this month!<br />
<br />
<b>1. Run a 5k - <span style="color: purple;">I did it! I ran in 2 races this past year. One was a 2 mile and one was a 5k. </span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>2. Eat only organic/unprocessed for at least 1 week - <span style="color: purple;"><span style="background-color: white;">Not only did I do this, I took it a step further! I went vegan for a week. Clean eating VEGAN! It was a great success and I have made a lot of changes to how I eat.</span></span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>3. Take a new class at the community center - <span style="color: purple;">Nugget and I took a swimming class together. I was only there to help her, but it was a class!</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>4. Make something my daughter can keep forever - <span style="color: purple;">I finally caught up on her baby book. I wrote lots of letters to her in it and made sure she understood our journey.</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>5. Go on a date - <span style="color: purple;">I not only went on a date, I started a relationship with a wonderful guy. </span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>6. Volunteer in the community</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>7. Apply for a dream job, even if I am not completely qualified</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>8. See a professional ballet performance - <span style="color: purple;">I did not go to the ballet, but I went to a Broadway musical while it was touring in Columbus.</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>9. Get in the best shape of my life - <span style="color: purple;">I dropped my cholesterol and am on my way to being super fit! I have one month to get there!</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>10. Buy a new car </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>11. Give myself a makeover and try a more standout lip color - <span style="color: purple;">I have redone my hair and makeup. I think I have gotten a better hold on it.</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>12. Try to get something published (a short story, article or poem… maybe a Lifetime original script ;) ) - <span style="color: purple;">I submitted some stuff... but no luck. I did try!</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>13. Have a savings account with at least $1500 in it</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>14. Sell a painting</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>15. Record a song, even if is just for me to see/hear</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>16. Adopt a pet - <span style="color: purple;">My guy and got a dog, granted it is mostly his right now, but we made the decision together.</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>17. Get a tattoo - <span style="color: purple;">Done!</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>18. Have my first mammogram</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>19. See a dermatologist and have my freckles checked - <span style="color: purple;">Check!</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>20. Print out my pictures and make a family photo album for Nugget and I - <span style="color: purple;">Done! </span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>21. Go one day without spending any money, maybe two - <span style="color: purple;">Yep!</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>22. Visit Disney or other major theme park</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>23. Try to be an extra in a film</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>24. Audition for something </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>25. Take Nugget to her first baseball game - <span style="color: purple;">This is on the schedule!</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>26. Buy myself good piece of jewelry - <span style="color: purple;">Actually my sister bought me a Tiffany bracelet. </span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>27. Make myself a piece of jewelry - <span style="color: purple;">Does a friendship bracelet count? I think it does! I also sewed a scarf... so I am crafty!</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>28. Write letters, by hand, to friends that have moved far away </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>29. Make a music video with my Daughter - <span style="color: purple;">Done! thank you FROZEN</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>30. Learn to drive a stick shift</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>31. Learn a foreign language, enough to have a simple conversation - </b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><span style="color: purple;">Pasé tiempo practicar a mi español</span></b></span><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Other Random things I have accomplished this year that were not on the list:</b><br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b>I was lucky enough to get small title change at work. Nothing major, but I was given the opportunity to earn more time off and have a more flexible schedule. </b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><b>I visited the city I have been dreaming about moving to, Charleston, SC. I loved it and still have a desire to live there someday.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><b>I have made a lot of new friends.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-33904635948020798382014-04-02T14:53:00.000-04:002014-04-02T14:53:41.293-04:00Letter From Prison: He won't go away<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1f1f1f; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23.799999237060547px;">I got a letter from prison yesterday.</span><br />
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<br /></div>
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The short version is "I know you have never answered any of my past letters, but I am hoping this will change. I am not asking much Becca, I just want to know about Nugget's well being and a little about her life."</div>
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<br /></div>
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Readers, I will de-code this for all of you:</div>
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<br /></div>
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"Becca, it really bothers me that you have chosen to ignore my communication. My loss of control over you makes me feel angry and the lack of validation scares me. Maybe if I ask about Nugget over and over you will relent and at least send me a short reply. Maybe if I only ask for basic info on her general well being I can possibly get my foot in the door? I am hoping you are too stupid to realize that my parents visit me once or twice a month and share that information with me already. I want you to feel sorry for ME so I can see that YOU care. If you show me you care, even a tiny bit, I may be able manipulate you. If I can have a family to come back to when I get out of prison then other people will see me as normal and I can reestablish myself in a community... because I AM totally normal..."</div>
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<br /></div>
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You have to be able to ready between the lines. He already gets basic info from his parents, he doesn't need it from me. He has never admitted to be a sicko, even though he admitted to downloading pics of children, he said it was a mistake... one he made about 600 times.. When he had supervised visits (before he was convicted) he spent the whole time talking to ME and trying to get me to speak on his behalf to the courts. He didn't give to shits about Nugget.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I am a very positive person, but some days I get angry just like anyone else. I am currently getting ready to write a few letters to send out to Senators, Congressmen and State Rep in hopes that I may be able to get the ball rolling on sever the rights of those in OH convicted of crimes against children.</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-60281589290712877362014-03-07T12:08:00.001-05:002014-03-07T12:08:20.880-05:00It is not a contest.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Life is not a contest. It is not about who has it better or who has it worse.<br />
<br />
A person needs to focus on how to make themselves better and what they learned from the times where things were at their worst.<br />
<br />
There has been so many times where I have bit my tongue in order not to scream at a person complaining about their life. A life that to me seems so easy. A life with a supportive partner that works hard for a family or where a well to do family helps pay most of the bills... I have most likely even written vents on this blog about how much it hurt or frustrated me in the moment, but I am glad I kept my mouth shut (at least in that moment).<br />
<br />
I have been through a hellish ordeal, but I should not need a pity party. Why do others need to treat me differently? They don't! I wouldn't want that anyway! My X's actions are his, and though I was one of his victims, I was Becca first. I still am the same person. I am smarter and more mature, but I have the same 12 year old boy sense of humor and wonderful friends.<br />
<br />
Nope it is not a contest, but you should always try to feel like you are winning.<br />
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-28006572616262804562014-02-17T11:13:00.001-05:002014-02-17T11:13:31.670-05:00In his mind<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Today I want to spend a little time reflecting back on the mind of one of these monsters. My X is one of far too many men who have and evil sickness in them. Because I feel it is important to share my experiences I will try to explain what I have learned.<br />
<br />
I want everyone to remember that my X was PERFECT in the beginning. He was a gentleman, he was always kind, loving and understanding towards me. Over the course of two years this got whittled away VERY slowly. There were no red flags until we were closed to being married. This is a very common story for those who were abused physically or mentally/emotionally.<br />
<br />
Anyway, his arrest was a shock. Though I changed my locks and made the decision to leave him right away, I did talk to him via telephone and at supervised visits until he was found guilty in a court of law. The discussions we had centered mostly around me trying to wrap my head around this whole situation. I wanted to hear him explain things in his own words. I wanted to tell him how he made me feel and I wanted him to hear my raw emotions. I wanted to hurt him, but I wanted to hurt him with the truth. My intention was never to be mean, it was to make him listen to me and my feelings. I hope he is sitting in prison thinking about the pain in my voice. I hope my words circle his mind... "You are sick. I do not love you. I never want to see you again. MY daughter does not need you, you will never be her father. There is no chance of me changing my mind. None."<br />
<br />
I have said much more to him, but on the last phone call, the last time he heard my voice, he threatened me with a lot of ridiculous things (Trying to block my family seeing Nugget, taking all of the furniture and appliances in the divorce, having his parents go after visitation so they could bring Nugget to visit him...) He was yelling, screaming and I was calm. He didn't scare me anymore, not with these empty threats. His emotion had no power over me. I didn't care if he was upset or that I was the person he was mad at... I just waited for him to take a breath and simply said:<br />
<br />
"You can try all these things and you will lose. The judge has already said you have no footing, you are a pedophile. I am a good person who is doing what is best for my daughter. Good luck with all of those threats, I have already won.You will not be hearing from me. Don't bother calling here again, this number will be blocked."<br />
<br />
There is nothing more freeing than letting go completely. I just do not care about him anymore. No fear, no sadness, nothing. He rarely crosses my mind. Of course I am sure he thinks about me and Nugget often, this does frighten me a bit and I am sure when he is free again I will find myself fighting again, but I am confident.<br />
<br />
His mind is sick. He still has not admitted his attraction to young girls, despite hundreds of videos, pictures and other materials being found to the contrary. He thinks he is a good guy who got caught in a bad situation and will have another family someday and start over... I hope any woman in his future is smart enough to do a background check and run away fast, because in his mind... he is just fine. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-88773479736022854382014-01-27T14:53:00.002-05:002014-01-27T14:53:40.548-05:00My Relatiopnship<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
Four years ago when my life was in tatters I spent a long
time building up walls. Everyone who has had their heart broken may be able to
relate on some level. I NEEDED those walls. I NEEDED to forget the little
moments in a relationship. Walls helped to keep me focused on the work I was
doing for myself and my daughter. I have spoken about how far I have come with
my self-image and my confidence in my whole self. I am pretty awesome! The
hardest part of my personal growth was learning when to start taking down the
walls.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Relaxing my defenses and letting a person in who was willing
to take on some of the responsibility of protecting my heart and my feelings
was a long process. I dated a man once about a year after my separation, if you
read my blog regularly you may remember… ANYWAY! I tried to let someone in, but
I wasn’t ready and he was not the right guy. It was a good test, not to
downplay this relationship; he was a great guy, just not the right one for me. My
attempt to let someone in failed. There was never a feeling of security, deep
emotional safety. It was fun, he was nice, it was easy in a lot of ways, but I
was still locked in behind barricades. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the present I am with a man who I have known since I was
16 years old. A person that I have trusted for longer than all of my previous
relationships combined. Someone I not only have history with, but a present and
future. Three years ago we found ourselves spending more and more time
together. Our friendship got closer. There was talk among our group that we
would get together, but I wanted to be alone, I wasn’t ready. Instead our
friendship got stronger. Then at the end of this summer things moved forward.
It was a split decision that has changed my life for the better.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our friends, of course, are not surprised. People in my life
who live far away or those who do not know our history are surprised the marriage
talk has already begun, but after 13 years it seems natural. We are comfortable
and know all of each other’s secrets and skeletons. Plus, as I have said in
previous posts I think it is CRUCIAL for everyone especially single parents, to
share their expectations in a relationship. This was simple since as my friend
he had heard all of my desires for my future relationship. My moods, my loves,
my goals, my fears and my time of the month… he knows it all! It is kind of
like Chandler and Monica from FRIENDS, it was always there and after getting
together it just seemed so obvious! Like DUH!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am happy. Nugget is happy. We are happy.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-67106472389699223972013-12-27T09:07:00.000-05:002013-12-27T09:07:28.625-05:00Xmas 2013<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This was the best Christmas so far. I did not feel a single moment of empty or different... everything was normal. The stress of preparation, shopping, wrapping, cleaning and cooking combined with the joy giving, seeing Nugget's face and spending time with family and friends was so blissfully NORMAL!<br />
<br />
Up until this year there was always a pang that followed my happiness. The little voice in my head pointing out that there was something different about our little family. Someday Nugget might feel a void since she doesn't have a dad. Or just some residual grief of my own.<br />
<br />
All of the negative feelings about my divorce and my X's crimes were not there. EVEN though he tried to take a stab at me (by contacting that church/school) I didn't think about him once during my normal Christmas.<br />
<br />
Do you hear that people? If you are sad this year, next year will be easier. Every year will get better if you push yourself. Make your life your own. Live for you and your children and the rest will fade away.<br />
<br />
I hope you all had a good holiday. I also hope next year will be even better.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-83950103325681455332013-12-12T10:36:00.001-05:002013-12-12T10:36:55.478-05:00Quick update<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just to give a quick update on the last post, as of now
nothing has been happening. With the holidays and people being in and out of
the office my issue has not gotten very far as of yet. I left another message
with the US Attorney’s office in my district. Hopefully I will know soon if I
can take any action, and I promise to keep you all updated.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
In other news… My Guy and I are doing great. There is nothing to really brag about, other
than it just feels right. This relationship is built on a deep trust,
friendship and mutual respect. My happiness can’t be described. Nugget has
known him since she was a baby, so the whole “introduction” was a non-issue,
though we have been slowly, carefully folding him into more and more “family”
like activities. When I look back at <a href="http://myattemptbga.blogspot.com/2013/09/introducing-bfgf.html">my list</a> on what you should do before
introducing a BF to a child we have done all of this and more without even
thinking about it. Our focus is each other, Nugget and our future as a family.
Are we getting married tomorrow? No. Part of our plan is making sure we pump
the brakes and truly evaluate what is best for everyone. I will say though the
fact that our history goes back 12 years has given us a solid foundation. This
lady is very excited for the future. <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-90697123123494885302013-11-19T14:26:00.000-05:002013-11-19T14:26:11.901-05:00Proving he is SICK in the head<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1f1f1f; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">I got a voice-mail from a very pleasant woman from a local church/preschool. She said she pulled Nugget's name off of the "angle tree" at their school. She was checking in to see what she may need/want for Christmas so the class could buy a few things on behalf of her dad...</span><div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #1f1f1f; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
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I called the woman back and politely explained WHY my X is in prison and because of this I would not accept gifts from him. The church of course had no idea (which is what I thought) and we had a good conversation. Her class if going to get Nugget a couple things and they will be "From: The class" instead of from her dad.</div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1f1f1f; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">He is just awful. He is in prison for being a pedophile, yet he asks a classroom full of small children and their unknowing teacher to buy gifts for his sorry ass. AND/PLUS/ALSO Nugget is not in desperate need. Yes, things could be better, but when I talked to the woman she was told that Nugget may not get anything for Christmas! I explained she would be fine. Like I said they still wanted to get her something small, which is fine... My emotions were all over the place yesterday as this all was sinking in. I was mostly just disgusted.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1f1f1f; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1f1f1f; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">I spoke to my xSIL about what happened and she was also livid. The fact that X had contact (whether direct or indirect) with a school, lied to a charity about Nugget being "needy" AND gave out my contact info and address to people I do not know all makes this F*cked up!</span><br />
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<br /></div>
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SIL called her mother just to make sure she wasn't the person who may have contacted the church for some reason, and confirmed it was not her. SIL also told xMIL that she needed to speak to X about how awful this was. (I personally do not think he is blind to this. He knew what he was doing.) xSIL doesn't talk to him and is honestly freaked out that he did this. We are sure it was his way of sending me a message. "I am not going to give up." </div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #1f1f1f; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #1f1f1f; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Well, guess what buddy, I will never give in.I am not going take this lying down. I am in contact with the Victims Advocacy group in my area and the detective who worked his case. I am hoping this is a blessing in disguise and he may have just bought himself more trouble and more prison time. ::crosses fingers::</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #1f1f1f; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
An email to the US District Attorney's victims advocate for my area was sent out this morning. </div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-55102920528571679282013-11-06T10:47:00.002-05:002013-11-06T10:47:40.585-05:00Fall 2013<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh hey! I would like to apologize for my absence… I have had
a lot going on in my world.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpzs1OSAY97Lx49mPPCfb914areVG_jJbNHGxpzGHOsJlOgONwPCw1pqO5sELSNYA-RJJHsuuz2-T0RFYw0y47EmDyR8TySj1HUz3DeMZHy_4duphAg8TmO_NYQKqEHA8RtE92WSAQew/s1600/run.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpzs1OSAY97Lx49mPPCfb914areVG_jJbNHGxpzGHOsJlOgONwPCw1pqO5sELSNYA-RJJHsuuz2-T0RFYw0y47EmDyR8TySj1HUz3DeMZHy_4duphAg8TmO_NYQKqEHA8RtE92WSAQew/s200/run.jpg" width="150" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyO24HJKrkx5LMP_4eEoNaaQOquHihU1er-p62wGaGUFWgzQCF1CRm8SDXk1AZUWRHn-1Dde0_rXogM66xMEasRkmrdsZw3uZV1ehOvW3MIm2AQdsKMXC0Rypv-Ao2MGG15PHVus_bMw/s1600/color+run.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyO24HJKrkx5LMP_4eEoNaaQOquHihU1er-p62wGaGUFWgzQCF1CRm8SDXk1AZUWRHn-1Dde0_rXogM66xMEasRkmrdsZw3uZV1ehOvW3MIm2AQdsKMXC0Rypv-Ao2MGG15PHVus_bMw/s200/color+run.jpg" width="200" /></a>Let us start with the a few little things and work our way
up! I ran and finished two races! I have been an athlete my whole life, playing
basketball, softball, volleyball, tennis, swimming and of course playing
soccer, but I have never participated in a run/race in my life. Becca does not
enjoy just running. I like to chase a ball, run over bases or cut through the
water. I chose to do this because I am turning 30 in May and I wanted to
challenge myself. I was in decent shape, but anyone who runs will tell you that
running is a much different sport then a team sport. It is much more mental and
you only have yourself to lean on (for the most part). In other words I had to “beat”
myself. I had to be the one who got me over the finish line. So, I pushed myself
through the pain, boredom, and doubt and made past the finish line. The first race was a 2 mile run benefiting heart disease and the second run was the Columbus Color Me Rad fun run. Both were awesome and I am very proud of myself.</div>
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Another thing that has happened is that I have spent the
last 2 years trying to crawl out of the financial hole the was dug during my
divorce. I found out today that my score is at its highest point since my separation!
WOOOHOO!!! This latest climb has brought to a lower risk tier <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span> I still have a ways to
go, but I am getting there and it feels nice to have made this progress.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Last, but not least…. I am dating someone. I have known him
since High School, but we were never more than friends until now. One of my
goals for the year was to put myself back out there and go on at least one
date. I have done that and it turned out to be a surprisingly wonderful choice. That is all I will say for now :)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-61595827454184670682013-09-19T15:58:00.001-04:002013-10-07T15:17:55.425-04:00Introducing a BF/GF<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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All the single ladies (<i>All
the single ladies</i>)… Now put your hands up!<o:p></o:p></div>
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There are certain questions I am asked often by newly single
parents. One of those Questions is:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><u>How long should I
wait to introduce my boyfriend to my child?<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
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In my personal opinion I HATE giving a specific time frame!
Who is to say that one couple is more serious at the 12 months than another is
at 4 months? I have known people who will date for years and never speak about “the
future”. I will say that anything less than 4 months makes me roll my eyes in
most cases (not that there are not some exceptions). It takes time to build
real trust in a relationship, and I would never bring a significant other into
my child’s life that I did not trust. In my last relationship I waited 3
months. I wish I waited longer. I was lucky that the guy was super nice and no harm
was done, Nugget doesn’t even remember him, but had she been older she would
have been much more aware of the loss of this person. Below I have made a list (because
this bitch loves her a list!). <o:p></o:p></div>
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You should know a man/woman long enough to:<br />
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-Figure out that the person is not perfect.</div>
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-Make sure you are willing to accept their imperfections and they will accept
yours.</div>
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-Discuss your future visions and be sure they are compatible.</div>
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<br />
-Be comfortable enough to fart in front of him (not that you should, but if one
should sneak out you shouldn't be overly embarrassed).<o:p></o:p></div>
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-Rock sweatpants, no makeup and
dirty hair without shame.<o:p></o:p></div>
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-Get through an illness, something
like the flu or a bad case of diarrhea. See
each other at your most grossest. See how nurturing this person can be. </div>
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<br />
-Go to Ikea together* (This is a 30 Rock reference, if you survive this trip it
is a good sign).</div>
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<br />
-Meet each other's friends and peripheral family (siblings, cousins, parents),
get the dish on how he/she was raised and what kind of relationship they have
with existing family before you make him/her a part of yours.<o:p></o:p></div>
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-Talk about how they would feel
being a parent. The reality is if things get serious they would be taken a
parenting/step-parenting role. Are your parenting styles compatible?</div>
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-Spend a long weekend together or more. (If it is possible in regards to
childcare)Experience real time together, beyond a date or sleepover.</div>
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-Share you most “embarrassing” interests (improv, gaming, karaoke…). Not that
it is really embarrassing, but if it is an activity that is important to you
AND can be polarizing then share away. I love sports and musical theatre a man
must accept this! If you enjoy dressing like a pirate and going to the Renaissance
Festival…. Then DO IT! And bring your new pal along. (Think Penny and Leonard on <i>The Big Bang Theory</i>)<img src="http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/101216/big-bang-theory_320.jpg" /></div>
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<br />
-Be HONEST about your priorities. He/she should know that your kid comes first,
period. This sounds easy, but I have known soooo many women/men that will
arrange their time with their kid around their dating instead of the other way
around. Be upfront about saying “I can’t that night I have to take my child to
swim class.” Try your best to help them understand the time commitment involved
with having a kid before they meet your kiddo. Many people will say it will
scare them away, but HELLO!!! That is your real life! A partner needs to know
that!<o:p></o:p></div>
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-Get information on their
finances. Don’t be a snoop or a Judgey McJudgerson, I am just saying you should
be able to talk about money. Are they in debt? Do they have a savings? Are they
responsible with cash? Check out studies on divorces and break-ups. You will
see MONEY is often at the top of the list of reasons behind the termination of
a relationship. <o:p></o:p></div>
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-Get drunk, responsibly. (Unless
you are not drinkers) I have known a lot of people who reveal their true colors
when under the influence. Jealousy, rage, cheating, selfishness… we have all
seen it before. From time to time I like to hang out with friends at a tailgate
or a Cinco de Mayo party where I like to get tipsy. I need to know my guy can
handle himself at these events. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<img height="296" id="il_fi" src="http://weknowgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/ron-swanson-drunk-gif.gif" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="505" /></div>
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-Face some sort of
problem/challenge; understand how you will work under pressure and stress. You
do not know how strong your relationship is until you disagree, get into a
fight or go through a truly hard time. I do not want to bring someone into my
daughter’s life if they are going to shut down and turn tail when things get a
little bumpy. This person will potentially be a role model for my child, do
they fight fair? Does this person expect perfection? Any rage issues? This is
shit they are not going to tell you willingly. “Umm yeah I have anger issues
and tend to lose my shit when things don’t go my way.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">If there are any items on this list that you’re
not comfortable enough talking to your significant other about then they should
not meet your kid. Meeting a child is a BIG step. It should be done as a step
towards a future together, not to show off or for the sake of convenience. Your
child is forever. Your child is the most important person in your life… Take
your time when bringing people into their life. Show both parties that you take
this decision seriously. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-37401205301523798022013-09-14T12:46:00.001-04:002013-09-14T12:46:59.245-04:00Numbers don't lie!My yearly labs from last year and last week. As you can see I have dropped my cholesterol and triglycerides dramatically through diet and exercise, proving the numbers on the scale are not the only ones that matter.<div><br></div><div>It has been a bit of hard work, but being healthy is worth it! </div><div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0y5u_LWNE0rVVF5ykCcmx6X-XJX7PNuZGEWHVXbhp7M83dQbyzNqiL7qkt-Dkoak-aIuBc0oawmS83kY72qfH78xB0lzqNGAhUg3wqRPE1YjYI85-H48pTssBwPfWQSU048LJ9T-ksA/s640/blogger-image--1391923256.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0y5u_LWNE0rVVF5ykCcmx6X-XJX7PNuZGEWHVXbhp7M83dQbyzNqiL7qkt-Dkoak-aIuBc0oawmS83kY72qfH78xB0lzqNGAhUg3wqRPE1YjYI85-H48pTssBwPfWQSU048LJ9T-ksA/s640/blogger-image--1391923256.jpg"></a></div><br></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-65120538353208481002013-09-03T15:18:00.001-04:002013-09-03T15:18:58.154-04:0030 before 30 updateIt has been about 4 months since I made my list of 30 things I want to do before I turn 30. I just wanted to updated you on my progress!<div><br></div><div>- I have made a family photo album for Nugget and I to add to for life.</div><div>- I am signed up for a local 2 mile race</div><div>- In August I started a Healthy living program to get myself back into my not so fat pants :)</div><div>- Nugget and I took a mommy and me class at the community center.</div><div>- I recently got my hair cut into I new style I have never had before.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>So... Decent start! BUT time flies, so I need to get going!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-29127460113602625922013-08-16T11:10:00.002-04:002013-08-16T11:10:55.667-04:00Being a parent is kind of Hilarious<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
Recently I was thinking about some common made-up phrases I use as a parent with a young child. I thought you all might get a laugh out of them :) <br />
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- Kung fuing: spastic movements made by a child that slightly resemble a form of karate <br />
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- No naps land: When a child is late for a nap or skips it and the whole family is stuck in the moody, black hole of despair <br />
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- Potty Prison: when a child is learning to use the toilet and has to be brought to the John so often you feel like you live in the bathroom.......<br />
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- Snee-acking: sneaking a snack that you do not want to share with a grubby handed small human.<br />
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- Jam Hands: the unexplained stickiness that most children seemed to be sporting on their hands despite frequent washing<br />
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-Meanners: when a child is acting like a complete jerk but manages to say "please" or "thank you" causing you to drop you guard. <br />
<br />
- ExDression: when a child learns to dress themselves and insist on expressing themselves through crazy outfits the may make other adults think the parent may be blind. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6439284171711113256.post-48811546038531094472013-08-06T10:38:00.002-04:002013-08-06T10:40:59.091-04:00Open letter<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
An open letter to all “normal” co-parents… by normal I mean a situation where both parents are safe and loving care givers. </div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Over the course of three years I have been involved in a few different single parents support groups/chat groups where people (usually women) can go to share experiences and advice. I have also been privy to many other divorce/custody stories through my mother who is a court reporter. She has worked on several intense custody cases and divorces. When a case is a matter of public record she has shared some extreme examples of bad co-parenting behavior. Basically I have heard a LOT of stories!! </div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">There has been a lot of anger, bitterness and hurt felt by those who have faced their ex’s in court. It is only natural for a parent to want to have their child with them as much as possible. I understand this feeling, I sympathize with this. It is also very natural for someone who has felt “wronged” to feel it is not fair to “lose” something that is important to them. That being said I can get easily frustrated with numerous parents’ inability to see the big picture those who cannot step outside themselves to understand what is best for their child. Brace yourself, I am about to say something that may be hard to grasp for some…. But just because an ex is an asshole to YOU doesn’t make them a bad parent…. Or just because someone has left you, through an affair or because they fell out of love it doesn’t make them a bad parent. I am a strong believer in a child having a loving relationship with both parents whenever possible. It is not just my opinion; there are several studies and experts that will back me up. </div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Let go. My advice to all of those struggling with shared custody is let go. You can’t control what your ex chooses to do during their parenting time. Your child may have different routines and different rules at the other parent’s house, let it go. IF it is not a health or safety issue then try not to let it eat at you. Now there is nothing wrong with bringing up concerns in a civil manner, but don’t freak out if your requests are ignored. Also, it is NORMAL for child to cry at an exchange. They are going to miss you just like the miss the other parent when roles are reversed. This doesn’t mean they do not love both parents, it is just a hard situation for everyone. Most likely your child will be smiling and happy within 5 mins of your departure. </div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Take it from someone who does not have the option of co-parenting, your child is LUCKY to have both parents in their life. Stop holding on to hard feelings and embrace your new relationship. You are co-parents and nothing your ex has done (beyond of course safety issues) should affect you making your best effort to give your child the best childhood possible with two loving, civil parents. </div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Another piece of advice… when your child is spending time with the other parent try not to spend the whole time sitting around thinking about what they are doing. It is poisonous. Find an activity, clean, sleep in, paint, exercise, go shopping, see a movie, hang out with friends or just enjoy a good book. Let go. </div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">*Though I have said it a few times already, this post is meant for those who have no concerns for their child’s safety. Every situation is different, but I see way too many men and women holding on to petty bitterness that in the end only hurts their child.*</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13585958960436225702noreply@blogger.com2