Tuesday, September 21, 2010

My world, my body and my baby

My world is complicated these days. Nobody prepares for the news that the person you trusted more than anyone in the whole world is guilty of a horrendous crime. His family of course loves him and is scared for him, my family is scared of him and does not like him at all... I don't trust him, part of me misses the person I thought he was and part of me is scared of what the future holds. The only thing that is certain is that he will be in jail for at least 5 years.

My body is all new. I am 15 pounds heavier than I was pre-pregnancy, I have stretch marks and one boob is bigger than the other. With all of this said I am trying to embrace the new me. Losing the weight will happen at it's own pace. All I can do is exercise (I have a personal trainer and I play soccer) and eat right (I try... I could do better though!). As for the stretch marks they may fade but they are here to stay and I will learn to live with them. I look decent in clothing and someday I will love myself naked again.

Nugget is wonderful. She is honestly the best! Does she fuss? Yes, but hey she is still the cutest fussy budget I know. She is lucky enough to get a lot of love from my family my ILs and her "aunt" Ice who watches her during the day. She is smiling now and laughing a little :) I just love her so much!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Court today

X is going to court today to sign his plea deal. He will plead guilty to receipt of child pornography. His deal is for somewhere between 5-8yrs in federal prison. Though in federal court the judge can choose to give a longer sentence if he wants.

I will not be attending court because the local news may be there. I can't handle that and honestly there is no reason for me to be there. He will not be sentenced today, that will happen within the next 3 months.

It is still hard to beleive that this is my life right now and that it will always be a part of Nugget and my life. We will move on and move past the hurt but it will always be there.