Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Another Episode of: A Letter from Prison

This past week has been full of excitement for my family. My parents got a "new" (used) car, Nugget turned 3 and had a birthday party to celebrate and I received another letter from my X. Sometimes things are going so well that you need a little reminder that brings you back to reality. Just going to my mail box and seeing the envelope is enough to give me a small anxiety attack.

I could care less what he has to say in regards to the usual "I am so sorry... I think about you guys all the time... please write to me..." These types of ramblings do not affect my emotional state what-so-ever! BUT... get nervous that he may say something about taking me to court, asking for visitation. As soon as I see that it is not mentioned I relax and toss the letter into the junk drawer. I will not answer his letters; I will not give him any information about my life. He can sit there and stew on his crimes and the reality that he is not welcome in Nugget's life.

Some highlights:
"I would like to be in Nugget's life. Any information or pictures you can share with me would be appreciated."

"I wrote to you in November and received no response... this is not a criticism, but it seems like I am the only one making an effort.."

Delusion could be kind of hilarious if it wasn't so scary

Monday, July 15, 2013

We all have moments

My life is very much a happy one. I had a great weekend with Nugget and my family. We went to a local fair, enjoyed some outside time at the splash park and even had some adult fun in when my sister and I went to the Casino! I am lucky, I have a good life, but we all have our moments.

This past month I have been reminded of the fact that my family is different from most others. Even other single parent families for the most part are not like mine. When Nugget says she doesn't have a dad (which she has been saying on and off) I have to tell her that she has a father, but not a daddy. Her father is not a part of our life, because it is safer for her. If she asks where he is I tell her the truth in a way I think she understands...

"He is far away in a place where adults go when the get in trouble with the police."

I also tell her that there are a lot of families that do not have daddy's for different reasons. That she has her uncles and her Pop pop... she always smiles and agrees that she doesn't need a "daddy", but it still stings to have to have these conversations already. I was a daddy's girl growing up and as much as I want to, I will never know what it is like to be without a dad. I will never fully understand my child's point of view on life. That is hard for me to handle sometimes. As she grows up I will tell her it is ok to not have a dad in her life, but I can't say that from personal experience. I DO know that I love her and so does my family. I know she has my dad, and he is a an even better grandpa then he is a dad and that is saying a lot.

Anyway... the point is that you can be happy and secure with your situation 99.9% of the time, but we all have our doubts, worries and bad days. Remind yourself that you are enough. If your child is happy then everything is fine!