When I am Feeling Down

Being a parent is hard. Being a single parent can be even harder! There will always be bad days and on those days it is important that you have a plan of attack. Now, there are different kinds of bad days… Bad hair, hard days at work, sad days, fat days, stressful days, and overall just horrible days all around. Here are some things I do when I feel like crap, some of them are better for sad days and others better for days when your child seems to have been possessed by a devil.


• Make a playlist with upbeat happy songs. I prefer the boy bands and bubble gum pop from my high school/middle school days. NSYNC, BSB, Britney and Christina.

• Have a piece of chocolate… or two.

• Go to this website: cakewrecks.com

• Distract yourself by baking yummy dessert and then eat it!

• Hug your child, smell their hair and tell them that you love him/her.

• Take a shower, cry in there is you feel the need. Then put on your PJs.

• Watch Anchorman, Step Brothers or any other Will Ferrell movie.

• 13 going on 30 is another good pick me up movie!

• Take your child to a small local downtown/flea market for some leisurely window shopping.

• Ask a toddler to tell you a story. Any story! Have them make it up, because there is nothing more hilarious than a small child’s imagination.

• Pull out an old scrap book, try to find one that will make you smile (don’t pull out old wedding pictures featuring you and your now X).

• DANCE PARTY! Rock out in the living room.

• Go to this website: cuteoverload.com

• Play a board game or video games

• Memorize a poem

• Go outside and walk.

• Go swimming or set up a sprinkler. Child or not it is just darn fun!

• Call a friend of family member and talk or go to/rent a movie.

• Find a mindless game to play on your phone. I like Bejeweled or Slingo…

• Read or download a good book. I love audiobooks cause I can listen to them while I clean or relax in the bath. There is a cool app for iphone called HOOPLA where you can rent audiobooks/movies and other items through your public library! Just enter your library card number and BAM! Free books with no need to drive to the Library to return them!

• Stretch or do some Yoga.

• Play with your hair and makeup. Go back to your teen/preteen years and experiment a little.

Bad days are just bad days, they do not equal a bad life. Just the same, a hard life is not a bad life. Remember that.

Loving myself on the outside

I love myself more today than I ever have in the past. From the day in 5th grade when I realized that I had start wearing a bra, much to my chagrin, all the way through high school and college when I wished for those once hated boobs to grow and thought I was fat. I was never completely at home in my own skin. I was also uncomfortable with my personality. I filled silences with jokes or funny stories. Yes, I love being funny and enjoy my ability to make people laugh, but I admit it was mostly a way to try to get people to like me… I wanted them to like me in a way I could not bring myself to. Maybe in their eyes, smiles and enthusiastic laughter I would see a Becca that I could love. These insecurities lead to a life as a people pleaser. I would say yes, when other friends would say no, I would listen when others would cut a person off and I would stay when a more confident person would walk away. I thank my lucky stars that I was smart enough not to fall for come-ons from sleazy guys who only wanted one thing… BUT though I had few boyfriends I found it hard to see the end of a relationship. I wanted to hold on to the love I had felt from them. I let them get away with not calling me for days, name calling, ignoring me and other things that should have been red flags. Well, that time in my life is over.

After everything that happened with my X I found strength in myself that I could truly be proud of. I was proud of myself and respected myself. I spent time in therapy working through my old issues and getting a better grasp on who I really was. I rejoined my soccer team, took a new class and spent time with my family and friends. The whole time I was me and much to my surprise people still liked me even when I didn’t fill the silences, even when I wasn’t joking around. Over the past 2 years I have built up my self-confidence. They always tell you it is what on the inside that counts and so that was my focus.

It was successful. I love myself on the inside. I respect myself and I feel comfortable being Becca. The one area that I am still lacking is love for my physical appearance. I am still 10 lbs heavier than I was pre-baby and 15 lbs heavier than my “happy” weight. Beyond that my body is just not the same. There are stretch marks, scars, dimples and discolorations where they once did not exist. I see my hips stretched out and slightly hanging over my size 12 pants and I long for the days of milky white, smooth skin, unmarked by the pull of a pregnant belly. How could I have thought I was fat before? I would die to be my old size 10. Only one size away, but my body was tight, toned and even. No muffin top. No need for spanx or complicated shapers. I have to learn to accept what I cannot change and find the strength to work on the things that I do have power over. I can eat better. I can exercise more. That I can do.

Ladies, I know I am not alone. We give over our whole self, physical appearance included to bring our children into this world. The problem is we usually look at ourselves through the eyes of others. We see our scars with the perception we believe others will have. My goal is to see my body through nobody’s eyes but my own. I will appreciate and honor my health. I will look in the mirror and see the beauty before me. I will praise myself for being strong enough to be a mother. I will dress my body in clothing that will highlight my majesty rather than a bunch of material that will hide me flaws. I will take pride in myself, even if I am wear sweatpants after a long day I will try to radiate the confidence that I feel inside. I hope all of my followers will do the same.

As this journey continues I will keep you all updated. Hopefully this will end up being a love story about how I fell head over heels for myself.

Not Right Now

It is funny how even other mothers don't seem to understand, sometimes even the other single mothers I know seem ignorant to what my life is like. I get asked often about going out or joining friends for dinner and most of the time I turn the invitations down. Why? Because I am a single mother who is tired.

I love my life right now. I am happy. I feel content to work, and come home to my beautiful child. We spend a couple hours together before she heads to bed and I get an hour or two to myself before I also turn in. Our bedtimes are 7:30pm and 9pm (give or take) and we rise at 5:30am.

There is no every other weekend. There is no extra income and very little child support. I do all the laundry, every dish is washed by my hands (and my trusty whirlpool), I wipe every surface, vacuum every carpet, prepare/provide every meal, deal with every tantrum, sing every lullaby and kiss every boo boo.

So... No. I can't go to dinner at 7pm on a Thursday. I am sorry, but I can't stay for the "After party" to drink a few beers. I respectively turn down invites left and right, BUT I do accept a few because I know it is important to be with my friends and I do have fun with them. I appreciate that they think of me and make offers, but I still have to explain why sometimes... why I can't go or stay... Why I can't afford a trip or a concert or sometimes even the movies... It is what it is.

I am still happy. I am very much content to snuggle with my Nugget and watch Yo Gabba Gabba on a Friday night and kiss her forehead as she goes to bed.

Up and down

Grandpa's condition is a bunch of UPs and DOWNs.
UP: My Grandpa was lucid enough to watch part of the OSU basketball game on TV.
DOWN: He get pneumonia on top of everything else.
UP: He gets moved to a less restrictive floor.
DOWN: Moved back to a intensive care floor the next day.
UP: His fever goes down.
UP: He talked to my dad on the phone.
DOWN: My Aunt gets called into the hospital at 4am because my Grandpa is so confused and upset. He thinks he is running late for a party and needs a ride...

Besides my Grandfather's illness thing have been pretty good.

I am loving my new job. I get an all expenses paid trip to Florida! Yes, I have to attend a research meeting for most of the time I am there, but getting 3 hours of free time a day to be by the ocean, hang out with long distance friends or just sit in quiet will be great. AND I get to sleep uninterrupted until 7am!!

For those who do not have small children, or who children are great sleepers OR have a great co-parent who takes a night shift off your hands every now and then... let me explain this to you. It is equal to being a teenager who gets to sleep in till 1pm in the afternoon.

I am going to try my best to keep updating here at least once a week. So thank you all for hanging in there with me!