Thursday, January 19, 2012

Not Ready

I am writing today's post with a heavy heart. I spent this past weekend doing a lot of soul searching. The stress of everyday life was catching up with me, I just didn't feel like myself. I don't want to say I have been in a downward spiral.. it was more like a slow decline. In my heart I knew what was bothering me, but I ignored it for a while because I desperately wanted it to be something else.

Turns out I am not ready for a serious relationship. I have been with a wonderful man for 8 months. He has been patient, caring and showed me I could indeed trust a man again and fall in love. Yet, I have come to the realization that I can not continue on with our relationship. The thought of being married again, living with someone was just too much for me. He was wonderful in so many ways, but I felt like there were certain things that would wear on us over time. No red flags, but several yellow and a couple orange. He would always be a wonderful man. We might be OK together for years, but I knew over time these concerns of mine would have eaten away at us.

Breaking a person's heart is not an easy thing to do. This was my decision, I was the one to say goodbye... yet my heart was broken as well. It is much harder to walk away from a good guy than it is to be dumped by a jerk. I did it for him, for my daughter and for myself. He deserves to be with a woman the loves him for EVERYTHING he is. One that can put the energy and time into their relationship. Nugget liked BF but she had not grown to be attached to him in a significant way, I knew this would have changed very soon as she is growing so fast and realizing what is going on around her more and more. This was just something that had to be done.

I am now a truly single mom once again. I am at peace with this, though it was a sad parting. My energy is focused on Nugget, my family, my new job and now I have time to also focus on me. Little by little, over time, I will make my life what I want it to be. I will create a safe and secure family for Nugget, even if it is a family of two.

To my most recent love, Thank you. Thank you for bringing back my faith in love and opening my heart. I could not wish a person more happiness in this life.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh wow, I just had this happen to me. I was set free too. Its nice hearing it come from a woman and not a man this time. My X is right. I do deserve better. Although he was not very good to me. He did my a favor. Thank you for being honest. I do find peace in your e-mails. I have lot's of hope. I don' know how sometimes but I do.