Thursday, January 26, 2012


It has been a really hard week for me. My grandfather (paternal) is in the hospital and it looks like it may be his time. He is not only my last living grandparent, he is also probably my favorite, or at least the one I was closest too. We have lived within 15 mins of each other my whole life. We spent most holidays together and time in-between.
It has only been in the last few years that we really have gotten close. His generosity and kindness has been overwhelming. When I was struggling he was there to support me and Nugget. The truth is he single handedly kept me from having to file bankruptcy. I was able to pay him back financially (at least what he would LET me pay back since he thought of it as a gift) but I don't know if I could ever pay him back for the security, relief of stress and love that he has sent my way.

So, as he lies in a hospital bed asking for Jesus, I sit here praying that he have a safe and gentle passage. That those who went before him (My Grandma, his parents) are there to watch over him and welcome him when he does let go or this world. I am not deeply religious, but I do believe that the spirit lives on in a place of peace. I was able to be by his side yesterday and say all I needed to say to him. For a while I thought I might miss my chance because he was going downhill so quickly. After letting him know how much I appreciated him and loved him I called Nugget, who was staying with my BFF and had her talk to him over the phone. I NEEDED him to know how much he meant to us and how his actions kept my little family afloat. To him it was nothing, no big deal… To us it was everything.
If there is one thing my Grandfather has shown me it is what a real man is. He helped mold my father into a real man as well. Always there for their family. Always fair. Always loving even in conflict. Never a violent or evil thought. He stayed loyal… and the most admirable part? He didn't have to. He had no obligation. He met my grandmother when she was twice divorced, out of a abusive relationship and the mother of two children. Together they made a new family.

Biologically I have not one drop of his blood running through my veins, but I have always know that I have had all of his heart.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow, I haven't sheadded a tear in a while. Well, that blog did it. I'm sorry for the sadness you're feel and happy for the gratefulness that you feel as well.
Virtual hug to you my dear.