Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Child support

My child has seen no financial support from her father since December 2010. He told me and the courts that paying child support was a punishment that he didn't deserve. He told me that I was punishing his parents and being selfish...

This is a man who is in prison for crimes against children. A man who tore my life apart, left me fighting for survival... emotional, financial and my baby's survival. I have been her sole provider. Those who are parents know how much it can cost to give a baby/toddler everything they need. So, how is it a punishment to ask a person to provide for the child they planned for? It is not. PERIOD. I am not asking him to pay for my day at the spa, it is child support. In the end child support is never a punishment.

In regards to punishing his parents... I just don't understand that part. They are under no obligation to pay his child support, though they have agreed to. They are grown adults who made the decision to contribute towards their granddaughters well being. That is not a punishment, it is a great thing to do. Though I was told that they are only paying to keep X from getting into more trouble down the line by having a lot of arrears... I hope that is not the case, but what can Ido?

Some people have asked me why I even asked for child support. How can I take money from this man? Why would I want him in her life? I will answer these questions now.

1) I asked for child support because it is money that my daughter deserves. It is HER money and me not asking for it could potentially harm her down the road. Even if we do not see a penny for years, someday that money could help my daughter.
2) I can take money from this man because he OWES me. Yes, he owes me and his daughter. Overnight I became solely financially responsible for myself and my daughter. A house payment, medical bills, utilities, daycare, food, clothing, car repairs, baby gear and everything else that had been paid by 2 salaries was now resting on my shoulders. He honestly owes us for everything he had made a commitment to pay before this whole thing happened.
3) For those who are not familiar with the system/courts and how everything works, Child Support and custody/visitation are done completely separately. Paying Child Support has no bearing on the decision of whether or not you get to see your child. If seeing you is not in the child's best interest then you do not get access to the child, no matter how much you pay. On the flip side, not paying child support does not mean you can't see your child. In this economy it makes sense. Trying to avoid visitation by not asking for child support would ultimately not be in a child's best interest.

Maybe someday when I am married to a wonderful man, X will be willing to sign over his rights and let my new husband adopt her. This is a dream of mine.

No comments: