My therapist said to wait until she asks about her father, or sometime before school starts. If he ever is awarded visitation then she has to know what is an inappropriate request/behavior.... not that he wouldn't be monitored, but you can never be too safe with this stuff. As she gets older I will take her with me to see someone that can help her sort out her feelings.
I know some things are certain:
- This is not a secret. Her father's face was all over the news. We live in a small town and my family has lived here since my Grandfather was in grade school... Though people have been supportive, they also know and whisper about "That poor girl", so if she doesn't hear it from me, she will hear it somewhere else.
- My ex-mother/father-in-law will not be happy with me. They think me telling her the truth is hateful. They will have to get over it. I have been told how important it is to disclose the info to her and not to sugar coat it for her own protection.
- I am terrified. I do not want my daughter to feel anything but proud of who she is. Just because her father is a sick man does not mean there is anything wrong with her. I don't want this information to make damage her in anyway... yet I know it will hurt to hear.
Just to clarify again I will not be disclosing the horrific details to a young girl. I will work very closely with my therapist on what to say and how to say it. I am hoping this is years away. When she is in high school and closer to 18, I will leave it up to her if she wants to read his case file. I made myself read it while all of this was going on and it snapped me into reality. This information makes it all to obvious that this man is dangerous and will try to lie his way into her life and possibly her future children's life.