Wednesday, August 17, 2011

A memory.

Nugget has been pretty clingy and weepy due to teething and I have found myself having flashbacks to her as an infant. One year ago we were battling colic together. Long hours of crying and stress.

We were both at the ends of our ropes. She was in pain or uncomfortable, all she could do was cry. My heart was broken, yet full at the same time and like my beautiful baby I could not communicate exactly what was hurting me so much. A sorry sight... I wish I had more in me at that time. I was stretched to my emotional limits in so many ways. I wish I could have had more strength, been a more calming presence for her.

Our evenings were often spent laying in my bed, her on my chest. Nug would alternate between whimpering and crying and I would join in her tears as I sang to her. As long as she was on my chest and I was singing she would not scream, cry yes, but not scream. The two of us in a day bed crying together. Her pain was physical and mine was emotional, but when we were together it was somehow a little easier to cope with both.

I still sing her the same lullaby almost every night. It is from dumbo and is called "Baby Mine". Only now I can sing it with a soft smile on my face. It is not broken up by sobs and sniffles. I can be the calming, loving presence I wanted to be one year ago... She usually stops crying and looks up into my eyes... I am so proud of us and how far we have come. Ironically it brings tears to my eyes, but these tears are much sweeter.

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