Embrace the FREEDOM

I think it is time to highlight the perks of being Single and a Single/Only Parent. I have done similar post, but it is always good to reiterate the positive!

You see this bed? That is my bed (or at least my sheet set!). There are many like it, but this is mine! All mine… I can sleep in the middle, diagonally, curled up in the middle, flailed out or any which way I please. I am ALWAYS on my side and do not have to worry about waking anyone up when I roll over. I am no longer in danger of being accidentally kicked of hit in the middle of the night by a renegade appendage. No snoring will keep me awake and nobody else will be setting alarm clocks on my night stand. Damn it feels good to be gansta! Am I right? I own that little peaceful rectangle of comfort and I make the rules! Another great thing is that I no longer have to worry about stinky man sheets. I still wash my sheets on the regular of course, but they never actually STINK. The last and final benefit of having my very own bed is not having to worry about being awaken late at night or in the very, very early hours to the advances of some dude who wants to get frisky. Don’t get me wrong once upon a time this might have been fun from time to time, but as a mother and someone who gets up at 5:30am every morning… well let’s just say I am not interested, like ever.

In a nutshell, I love my bed. I put girlie sheet sets on it and sleep in whatever position pleases me. It is a beautiful thing.

My schedule:
I no longer have to worry about keeping another adult’s schedule (as a minor I do not count Nugget cause I can technically make choices for her.) I do not have to align my free time to match another’s or schedule what time we eat based on when we are all home from work. Only one family (mostly) so there is never the “Who’s house for Christmas/Thanksgiving/Easter?” debacle. No shuffling around! Face it Holidays can be stressful enough, I am happy to go to one place and then head home.

I shave my legs when I want.
I wear make-up when I want.
I dress up when I want and I chill in my jammies when I want.
What’s for dinner? Whatever the HELL I want bitch! BAM!!

Embrace your freedom. Enjoy it and cherish it. Once a week serve yourself a fancy dinner on your nice china or get expensive take out and eat it out of a plastic container. It’s your world baby!

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Why is a raven like a writing desk?


I don’t have the slightest idea! Like Alice wondering through wonderland I tend to have times where I feel like I have no grasp on reality or what I am doing. It is still strange to me that I am a mother sometimes. I crave alone time, yet miss the Nugget when she is gone. This tiny person who is now walking, talking and asking questions is relying on me to make the beginning of her life as happy and fruitful as possible.

Nugget is happy. That is what is important. The fact that I almost never even attempt to put on make-up or wear clothing beyond the same 3 pairs of shorts and 5 shirts has yet to be noticed be my daughter. I will worry about embarrassing her when she is older. I PROMISE to try harder before she is in middle school! Until then 10 mins of sleep is more valuable to both of us than my mascara. At that point I won’t be paying for daycare (not that I won’t have other expenses like sports/activities…) and maybe I will be able to afford some nicer clothing. One thing I know for sure is I will at least be able to use the restroom alone!

I have all of these grand ideas of how I will do the laundry when I get home and workout during the 23 minutes the clothes will be running through the cycle. HAHA! Silly Becca! I get home, make or serve dinner, get Nugget in bed only to realize I have no energy left. I mean NONE! I fall asleep after forcing myself to clear the dishes from dinner and showering. It is beyond me how some of these women do it. ::slow clap for the super moms who clean and workout every single day:: The weekend is the time I use to deep clean, organize and other misc. errands. I am lucky to get this done too, because as we all know there is always something that can come up, and of course we HAVE to make time for our children  Poor Nugget deserves some time with me where I am not scrubbing, folding or cooking.
Anyway! I know this post may be somewhat deja vu and disjointed… but as I said in the beginning there are days where I do not know what I am doing and I am just lucky to make it through without forget anything major!!

Keeping up

Keeping up with life can sometimes be taxing. Married, single, mother or not, most people have a full schedule. Trying to make things work can be a struggle.

My week has been a whirlwind. I am working on a new research study that has some crazy hours from time to time. This week was one of those times. Fifteen hours straight, 3 hour break, 1 more hour at work, 5 hours of sleep then back to the office....

I thank God for my awesome support system. My parents who kept Nugget overnight when I was running around the hospital, my sister who picked her up from daycare and my brother for moving in and being at home while Nugget slept and I came back into work to do a 6 hour check on my patient.

It takes a village, right? Maybe not, it just takes a family. A family of blood or of friends, big or small. The only thing that matters is willingness to help. I just wanted to give a big "Thank you!" to MY village.

Some Changes

This week has brought about some changes in our household. My older brother has moved in to the In-Law Suite I have in the basement of my condo. I was original going to sell the place, but the market is so bad here I would lose too much money. My needed a place to move and I needed financial help. It turns out he is helping in ways I never really thought about.

He has given me more independence by watching Nugget or even just being in the house while she sleeps so I can go running or run a quick errand. I am no longer a complete slave to Nugget's schedule. He also loves to cook so I have the relief of two dinners a week being taken off my shoulders. He is a rare male that is organized and pretty cleanly! BEST OF ALL? My brother is an amazing role model for my daughter. She gets to see how respectful, caring and supportive a man should be. His even temper is a calming presence in our home.

We all have our own space when we need alone time and our work schedules are very compatible. In short, so far, so good!

Random single mom problems

When your child falls asleep in the car and they are now to big and heavy to gracefully carry them to bed. Instead they wake up and think they have been asleep for 10 hours already...

You try to convince yourself that you are a strong independent woman... except you fall prey to the cliche pickle jar problem.

If you don't do it, it doesn't get done. PERIOD! (and PS I do not want to hear married women complain about this. If your partner isn't helping then that is partly your fault for standing for it. This may sound harsh but it is true is 99% of the time, baring a partner with physical disabilities that make it impossible for them to do ANYTHING)

I am just so tired today. All I want to do is take a long nap. I can't though, cause there is so much to do and only a short time to do it without a small person attached to my side.

Nugget's 2nd Birthday

This Friday my daughter will be 2 years old. In those two years she has been more than she will ever remember. I have been the one to bear all the burdens. It has been me who has made sure her life was as happy as possible. She made it much easier because who would not be happy around Nugget, especially on a good day.

I have arranged time this coming Sunday for my X-ILs to see Nugget and celebrate her Birthday. We will spend a couple hours with her grandparents and my X-SIL/BIL (M & R). I really like M and R. They have always had my back even saying they would stand behind me in court if ever needed, but though my ILs have made a good effort to always follow my rules I find myself uncomfortable around them. I KNOW they will bring a gift "from" X. I will say thank you and set it aside.

Why? You may ask? Because my therapist and other mental health professionals have told me that someday it will be better for Nugget to know that her biological father did not forget her. Every person wants to know where they come from even if just for informational purposes. She most likely will not ever want anything other than information and I will have to honor that. I refuse to give her any communication (not that he has sent any) until she is 18. When she is an adult and I feel she truly understands how dangerous he is I will let her read the notes he wrote to me before going into prison. I honestly think it will show her how sick he really is. For now she is 2. She is a happy toddler and I will put up with my ILs becuase they do care about Nugget and they ARE following my rules.

Anyway... The love of my life will turn 2 on Friday. I remember her birth like it was yesterday. Maybe I will re-post her birth story this week. I miss my baby sometimes, but I love my little lady. Everyday my only wish is that she knows how much I love her and how dedicated I am to her having the best life possible.

Happy Birthday Nugget!

Patience

I have to find my patience again. I want so badly to be the zen, centered, peaceful mother I see on TV or read about in blogs. The one who never raises her voice or feels exhausted.

Alas, I am human and not supernatural. I get angry and sometimes I yell. I send my kid to time out about 20 times a day and we both take two minutes to chill, because you see my child has a temper like me as well. Don't get me wrong, we don't freak out or get violent... just frustrated and hard headed.

I would venture to guess that the wish of most single mom is to never worry about money ever again. Yes there are some single parents out there who have plenty of money, whether they work hard for it or not... Good for them and I mean that sincerely. I want nothing more than to see my counter parts succeed! BUT I am not going to lie I am jealous. I KNOW money doesn't buy happiness. I am happy, but my stress level is high due to bills being DUE.

I have to let it go... Let it go... Do what I can, then let it go...