New, new, new

When I look around my condo I see a mishmash of items that have been handed down, borrowed and won in the divorce. Very few items are things that I was a present for at the time of purchase. This has not really bothered me because I honestly have not had the time or energy to even notice. I had what I needed to get by and that was fine.

Well... recently I have been given the opportunity (new job, paid off lawyer) to upgrade somethings in my life. I am going to start phasing out everything that was my X's. I am keeping the living room furniture and washer/dryer because I picked those out and helped pay for them, but the dishes, cookware and mattress are gone! I sold our good mattress 2 years ago to a friend cause it was brand new, but too big for my mom's house. The dishes are very "bachelor". They don't match and are of poor quality. Most of my spoons were damaged (by X) in the garbage disposal and the pots and pans are old and pretty much suck at life.

I am going to buy what I want! Make my home my own. I couldn't be more excited about it :) I got Nugget some new toy bins, book holders and a bet set for her big girl bed.

The best part? My grandfather was kind enough to leave me a small amount of money that will allow me to upgrade my tiny, 10 year old vehicle. I am in a very happy place right now. Shopping is fun again, instead of stressful and disappointing.

Institutionalized

I think I have become the single parent equivalent to "institutionalized". The term used to describe a prisoner or patient that has been in a facility so long that they do not know how to live on the outside. The routines have become so ingrained, so comfortable that they just do not know how to function without them.

So you may be asking how can a woman with so much freedom feel any form of this? Well, I will explain!

Every single parent/only parent knows their routine:

 Wake up
Get child ready
Get self ready
Get child to school/daycare
Get yourself to work
Leave work
Pick up child
Dinner
Household duties
Kids bedtime routine
More household duties
Your bedtime routine

Of course there are a million variations of this routine, this is a basic version of mine. When I stray to far from this schedule I wake up the feel lost or confused. On days with small deviations I tend to forget little things like my lunch in the fridge or my phone on the charger. If I stay up more than a hour past my 9pm bedtime I feel hungover the next day. And what if I decide to go out on a night when my mom and dad take Nugget for the night? Forget it! I have one drink and go to bed at midnight and wake up feeling like I did in college after closing out the bar. Mostly I am just worn out and I feel it more when I stray from my regular path.

This also carries over to my dating/love life. Which as of now is non-existent. I am happy being single, I really am. Honestly, the thought of being in a relationship makes me feel sleepy. I broke up with my most recent ex-BF for a few reasons, but one of them was that he was too needy for me. In his defense overall he wasn't that bad, for other women with less on their plates he will probably be perfect. I just did/do not have the energy to spend the one precious hour of quiet time I have at the end of the day trying to make a man feel special. I know this sounds sad, but it is the truth. I bust my butt all day at work, then work at home, spend emotional quality time with my awesome child (which at the end of a long day can take a lot out of you even if you are having a good time with the little angel... now on a day when they are a little devil, FORGET IT!) do housework and then I have a man telling me that he wants to talk/cuddle/watch a movie/have sex. It is hard to explain, but I just want to sit in silence, maybe watch one of MY tv shows or read.

In other words I am just not in place in my life to have my routine intertwined with another person and their routine. Don't even get me started on co-parenting. After 6 months together I tried to take a baby step towards letting my ex-BF have a little responsibility  with Nugget. Nothing big, just talking to him about stuff in regards to discipline and getting opinions... (he never made any decisions regarding her, just gave opinions). I realized our parenting styles were similar, but still different. I do not negotiate on my parenting style. I can't imagine having to run my decision past another person when it comes to Nugget... I have total control and my system seems to be working beautifully so far, why change?

So ladies and gentleman that is where I am. Set firmly in my ways. Maybe it seems selfish, stubborn or sad, but the thing is I am not sad in the least.I feel like I am finally doing exactly what I want. I research what is best for my little family and go with what feels right. I am not cynical. I believe in love. Someday I hope to find the person who will fit into my routine or who helps me find a new normal. I will never count it out. For now I am comfortable and content.

Home Sweet Home

I have my condo to myself once again. I own it. I own the furniture. I own the car parked in the garage. All mine.

Less than two years after having the bottom drop from under me I am able to fully support myself and my daughter without the help of my awesome friends and family (financially). Of course they still support my emotionally and always will, but I am paying my own way 100%.  One tiny step at a time I put my life back together. There is still a ways to go. I aim for one or two goals at a time. Here is what my goal-line looked like.

- Focus on my mental/emotional health and being a great mom to a new baby. ::check::
- Block all visitation and communication between X and my Nugget. (He fought the divorce in court, but I got what I asked for) ::check::
- Pass my certification test. ::check::
- Live on my own (small apt) ::check::
- Get a better job ::check::
- Pay off my lawyer ::check::
- Live on my own in my condo. ::check::
- Pay off remaining debt from divorce
- Get a better car
- Sell the condo
- Buy a place closer to work and my parents

Staying focused, asking for help, pushing myself and letting myself move forward. That is what has worked for me. I hope all of the single moms and dads out there in similar circumstances may be able to see that anything is possible. I am not rich and I sure as hell am not perfect, but I try my hardest and I don't waste a lot of time feeling sorry for myself and complaining... Though I do allow the occasional short pity party,usually about once a month ;)

I know this blog is a huge deal and there may not be many people who read it consistently (can't blame you! I am not a real writer!), but if there is someone out there that feels like they have hit a wall you can always feel free to email me. Maybe just writing the email will help or maybe I can share some of my experiences. Whatever! Just letting you all know I am here.

myattemptblog@gmail.com

50 Questions (stolen from a friend)

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?


My middle name was taken from a great Aunt.


2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

It actually has been a long time (for me) I think it was when I broke things off with my BF in January.


3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

Sometimes, when I am not rushed.


4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

Turkey


5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Yes, Nugget 20 months.



6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Yes. I am a very good friend, promise :)


7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

All.the.time.


8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?

Yes



9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

I don't know. Maybe. I probably could be talked into it.


10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?

Kix or Cheerios


11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

No. I only tie my cleats tight... all other shoes are loose enough to slip on.


12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?

I am one of the strongest people I know. I may sound conceded, but it is true.


13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?

Mint Chocolate chip or Chocolate


14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Teeth/smile


15. RED OR PINK?

Probably pink, though red is close behind.


16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?

That I have a crappy metabolism. I really need to watch what I eat all the time.


17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?

My friend Jason. He and I are not clse anymore, but I loved when we were.


18. WHAT IS THE PAUL MCKENNA TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE MOST?

Don't know what this is???



19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

White and green sneakers


20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

Turkey ona Sesame Bagle with garlic/herb cream cheese.



21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

Cosmo Radio, Wake up! with Taylor


22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

blue/green


23. FAVORITE SMELLS?

I love the smell of tropical fruit.


24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

My mom


25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?

BEACH!!!


26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

Soccer. Football.


27. HAIR COLOR?

Blonde


28. EYE COLOR?

blue



29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

Nope. No glasses either


30. FAVORITE FOOD?

Thanksgiving day meal


31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Happy endings



32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

Umm.... I actually do not remember.


33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

Navy Blue


34. SUMMER OR WINTER?

Summer!


35. HUGS OR KISSES?

Hugs


36. FAVORITE DESSERT?

Warm apple pie with Vanilla Ice Cream.


37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?

ummm I guess cardio... but I mostly get in shape by playing sports.


38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?

I do the computer all day at work, when I want to decompress I watch mindless reality tv. (I second this answer! Though my friend is the one that wrote it.)



39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?

Starting to read The Hunger Games


40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

A map of the Medical Center where I work.


42. FAVORITE SOUND?

The ocean.


43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?

Beatles



44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?

Spain


45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

Sports...


46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Philly, PA



47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?

Ohio


48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?

Tan, with brown trim


49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?

silver



50. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS?

Eh... whatever

“You are doing a good job.”

Today Nugget and I went in for a well-baby check and I left with an unexpected lift in spirits. As usual she was running around saying “Hi!” and “Bye!” to everyone in the waiting room. After getting her weight and height the nurse showed us to our room. I could tell that Nugget was getting a little nervous. For the first time she was becoming aware of what it meant to be in a doctor’s office… and she was not having it!

I spent a few minutes calming her and distracting her with toys until the doctor walked in. I love our doctor and she actually is OUR doctor. She was my doctor first and is board certified in pediatrics as well. It was the natural choice for me to have her care for my daughter. Dr. L is always up on the latest research, has a child close to Nugget’s age and has really taken the time to get to know us and listens closely to all I have to say.

We started by going over the milestone checklist for children Nugget’s age, which she passed with flying colors. Then we went over a short Autism screening (standard of care at the office), again Nugget passed. Dr. L and I chatted about how things were going at home and our routines. During this time Nugget got more comfortable with Dr. L and began to talk to her.

Nugget - ::Points to my shoe:: “That’s Mommy’s shoe.”
Dr. L – “Very Good! Where is your shoe?”
Nugget - ::points to her Hello Kitty sneaker::
Dr. L- “Wow, what a smart girl!”
Nugget – “I like Gabba. Foofa, Pex, Yance. Gabba” (Foofa, Plex and (DJ) Lance from the Show “Yo Gabba Gabba”)
Dr. L – “Cool.”

At this point I explain that she may have gotten more than the usual screen time during her illness… (Oops!) But I am assured that Nugget will live and her brain will not explode from the extended TV time. I felt kind of guilty about it, but she was sick and not in the mood to play. When I was sick I was allowed to be lazy and I gave Nugget the same free pass. Dr. L kind of laughed and told me that Nugget had wonderful language skills for her age. Her enunciation was extremely impressive and her use of sentences was great. She was a very healthy, happy and smart child. Then Dr. L said:

“You are doing a good job. I agree with all of your decisions and I think you are doing a great job, mom.”

She then said goodbye to Nugget and left the room. I sat there for a second and let the last words sink in. I am doing a good job. I have known that I am a good mom, and my close friends and family say it from time to time… but to hear it from someone on the outside of my daily life, a professional no less… well it made me feel really good. She might say it to all or most of the moms in her office, but today she said it to me and it gave my spirits a lift after a really hard week.

Single Parent Situation: Sick baby/child

This past week I got into a situation that all single parents dread… My child got sick. Not just a cold, but a mucus filled, coughing, crying, feverish haze of misery. You know? When your child wants to do nothing except lay in your lap and watch Yo Gabba Gabba (or your toddler show of choice)? That was my life for a week. Nugget was diagnosed with RSV. Of course this means no daycare, and in turn that mommy needs to figure out how to care for a child 24/7 when she only has 10 hours of sick time at work and she can’t afford to take unpaid time…

Other single parents (especially “Only parents”) can relate. You want nothing more than to be there for your little trooper, but duty calls. You are the person in charge of paying the bills and without the job you don’t have insurance. My particular problem comes from the fact that I have only been at my new job for two months, so I do not have a lot of sick time yet. By the time cold season comes around again this situation will not be a problem.

Thank the lord for my mom, my sister and my foster sister. They really helped me out a lot last week when I couldn’t be at home. The first night Nugget had a bad fever and slept in bed with me. I set my alarm to go off every 4 hours so I could administer Tylenol and Benadryl (the only meds my doc said I could give her at the time). Not only did she snore, but she insisted on sleeping ON me. We were cheek to cheek for hours. That Nugget was so hot and snotty, I can’t say it was a pleasurable experience. I couldn’t sleep, not just because she was on my face snoring, but because I was paranoid she would choke on her mucus. Hey you can laugh, but it can happen!

If you read the above paragraph you can probably put one and one together and figure out that within 24 hours of Nugget getting sick, I too was infected. Being an adult made it a bit easier to tolerate. I took some Dayquil and sucked a cough drop to get through work the first day. By day 2 I had to give in and use my one sick day. I work in a hospital and it was just not safe for me to come in the way I was. My mom had to keep Nugget because I was down for the count. I slept for most of the day and sipped tea. The next morning I felt 80% better and my doctor said it was ok to go to work (I would wear a mask just around patients just to be safe and wash my hands every 2 mins). I was at my desk all day and was liberal with the Lysol.

Long story short: Nugget got sick, then I got sick, then I got better, then Nugget got better and today we are both still slightly congested, but in a much better mood.

Thank you again to all who helped out during this plague! We are very lucky to have you all!

Stay tuned later this week to hear about our upcoming move… Back to our condo!