Monday, November 22, 2010

ILs Thanksgiving

I decided to go to my IL's Thanksgiving. Mostly because I knew X would not be there and I would not be going up for Christmas. The trip as a whole was succsessful. We went, talked, ate then left. No big deal.

On the way home Nugget was over tired from being held and played with all day. She screamed for about 15 mins in the car so I pulled over. I fed her walked around with her and we went on our merry way once again.... 10 minutes later she starts screaming again! After 15 mins of trying to put her pacifier in her mouth with no luck, I pull over again. I walk her around get her to calm down and fall asleep so I load her up in her car seat and take off.... 15 mins later she is screaming again! I pull over, re-check her diaper, try to burp her, soothe her and once again try to leave. This time she cries for another 5 mins till she finally passes out.

I am now driving, in the dark, mentally and physically exausted when see something I wish I didn't have to see. I drove right past the park where my X got arrested for attempting to meet up with a teen girl. Everything came flooding into my head. Why I was driving alone with a baby, why he was not invited to Thanksgiving, why my little family is the way it is.

I became angry. What a a$$hole! How could he do this to me, my daughter and our families? How could that thought even cross his mind?

By the time I got home I was tired, pissed, sick (I have a cough/sore throat) and all I wanted was sleep but I could get my brain to slow down. I will never understand. I will just never understand.

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