My first anniversary was this past Friday. Last year on November 5th I pledged my heart and soul to someone. I said forever and at the time I meant it. I would have stuck through the most problems. The only exceptions in my mind were abuse and multiple infidelities… Well, the bad times in our relationship were much worse.
I will never forget the police knocking on my door. The neighbors standing outside staring and whispering. How the detective tried to comfort me with small talk about my pregnancy. More than anything I will remember how ashamed I felt to be his wife. Every moment spent with him up to that point had made me nothing but happy. We hardly ever fought. We said I love you all the time. We spent so much time together smiling, laughing, kissing and I always felt so lucky to have him in my life. Now I was embarrassed, scared and confused.
The local news ran the story. The last time he was on the news it was because he had helped raise money for a local family to buy a handicap accessible van… I was proud to be his wife then. The hardest part for me has been the lack of warning signs. Yes, he coached high school girls, but I always had male coaches. He never acted weird and even fired a JV coach for inappropriate behavior. How could I have missed it. Can I trust my instincts? I am rambling…
This post is about how much can truly change in a year. I believe that after some time, healing and therapy I will reach a point when I will believe in forever again. Forever with the right person. I want my daughter to believe in that. I will try my best not to be bitter because she deserves to believe in fairy tales and true love… and so do I.
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