Mourning My Single Mom Life

This past weekend my fiance moved in with Nugget and I. Words cannot describe how happy this makes me. It is nice to have him close and to not have to worry about little things like travel time between houses or doing everything around my house all by myself and of course just being able to get a kiss before and after work!

That being said this post is about the “loss” of my former life. Moving forward is always a mix of emotions. No matter how hard the past was, there is always a piece of it that made you happy and that you will look back on fondly. For me and Nugget our life together as a family of two is over. This makes me sad. We have accomplished so much together and against all odds we were very happy. She learned to walk, talk, laugh, and everything that has made her the amazing girl she is today. As for me, in the last 4 years I have grown as well. I passed my certification test, found a better job, was able to keep my home and became more confident in myself. We did all of that together, as a team… a team of two. Now FI (fiance) has joined our ranks. Like I said before I am beyond joyful to have him, but I will mourn the loss of my old life.

It is scary to move forward sometimes, sometimes it is exciting and sometimes both. It is OK to be a little sad to leave that all behind. I am proud of myself and my daughter for getting through the most stressful time in my life. Now looking back I can truly appreciate how hard it was, how much we overcame and how thankful I am to grow our family. 

More FAQs

I know I have done a post similar to this before, I think the last one was done out of frustration... this one is hopefully more helpful. The following are Frequently Asked Questions:

1) How do you stay so positive?

•     It is the easiest and hardest thing is the world. Make the decision to be happy, easy! Work hard to make it happen... this can be hard depending on the day. On bad days I remind myself that worse has happened and I got through it. Focus on the good and lean into it.

2) How can you remain calm when your X says stuff to get a rise out of you?

• This becomes much easier when you realize that he/she has no power over you.  If you get visibly upset or drop to their level then they win. I get mad. I am not always cool, but I express in in private moments when I am safe to "lose control". I actually get joy out of seeing a mean, manipulative person scrambling and throwing out low blows because it means they are desperate and scared. Let them be scared, let them stew in their feeling of powerlessness. Keep the angry texts, emails and document verbal assaults. When you stand in front of a judge your X will have done nothing but help your case with his/her own angry words.

3) When does it get easier?

• Emotionally? I can't pinpoint an exact time. This is different for everyone. Though if I think about it... every day gets a little easier. If you stay focused on the important things and work through any sadness and anger your road will be easier. The longer you hold on to negative feelings the longer it will take. You have all heard of emotional baggage? Well, imagine all of your negative emotions as baggage. It is much easier to get from point A to point B with only a carry on or even 1 full size roller bag then it is to get there with a full matching set of suitcases!

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• Day to day stuff, like running a single parent household, gets easier much quicker. You will find a groove and set into your new routine. In a previous post I have mentioned the joys of living as a single person. It has many perks! Enjoy!

4) When did you know your were ready to date?

• I spent one year as a single woman before I felt the urge to date. I went out with a nice man for 5 months and then realized I was not ready yet. It takes a lot of self reflection cause I really wanted to be with someone, but I was not happy with myself, so I put a dating life on hold. I spent another two years single. After the first month of being lonely a switch flipped and I had NO DESIRE TO DATE... for TWO YEARS. Then one day after hanging out with some friends I had a moment. I kissed a man who had previously been no more than a friend. The rest is history. 

5) Do you wish you hadn't met him (my X)?

• No. not for a second. My life would have been much easier, no doubt, but I have Nugget. Yes, I am stronger because of my tragedy. Yes, I have learned lessons that have made me a better person, but really it is all about Nugget. Without X, I would not have Nugget and as many mothers will tell you, I can't imagine life without her.

I am 30!

What have I accomplished and experienced in my 30 years?

1. I completed 18 years of school. Including graduating college.
2. I played in competitive soccer leagues and softball.
3. Learned Spanish and visited Spain twice.
4. Seen the Atlantic Ocean, Pacific Ocean, Gulf of Mexico and the Mediterranean Sea
5. Been on a Caribbean cruise
6. Became Certified in my field
7. Had open heart surgery
8. Auditioned for a reality show
9. Joined a sorority
10. Performed on stage in musicals and plays
11. Sang a solo in front of over 200 people
12. Was offered a full ride scholarship for soccer
13. Worked as a landscaper, caterer, barista, secretary and Research Coordinator
14. Been married and divorced (I celebrated the divorce more!)
15. Made many wonderful friends
16. Had a beautiful daughter
17. been a single mom
18. Ran some 5ks
19. Been a camp counselor
20. went to Canada and Mexico
21. Owned a dog
22. Read many books
23. Hosted a radio show
24. Performed improv comedy
25. Was crowned Queen (homecoming lol)
26. Written a blog ;)
27. Became financially independent and then did it again post divorce
28. Found myself 
29. Opened up to love again and got engaged
30. Managed to be the head of a happy little family that will be growing by 1 here very soon (AKA when I get married! No new baby yet!)