Tuesday, May 13, 2014

More FAQs

I know I have done a post similar to this before, I think the last one was done out of frustration... this one is hopefully more helpful. The following are Frequently Asked Questions:

1) How do you stay so positive?

  •     It is the easiest and hardest thing is the world. Make the decision to be happy, easy! Work hard to make it happen... this can be hard depending on the day. On bad days I remind myself that worse has happened and I got through it. Focus on the good and lean into it.

2) How can you remain calm when your X says stuff to get a rise out of you?

  • This becomes much easier when you realize that he/she has no power over you.  If you get visibly upset or drop to their level then they win. I get mad. I am not always cool, but I express in in private moments when I am safe to "lose control". I actually get joy out of seeing a mean, manipulative person scrambling and throwing out low blows because it means they are desperate and scared. Let them be scared, let them stew in their feeling of powerlessness. Keep the angry texts, emails and document verbal assaults. When you stand in front of a judge your X will have done nothing but help your case with his/her own angry words.

3) When does it get easier?

  • Emotionally? I can't pinpoint an exact time. This is different for everyone. Though if I think about it... every day gets a little easier. If you stay focused on the important things and work through any sadness and anger your road will be easier. The longer you hold on to negative feelings the longer it will take. You have all heard of emotional baggage? Well, imagine all of your negative emotions as baggage. It is much easier to get from point A to point B with only a carry on or even 1 full size roller bag then it is to get there with a full matching set of suitcases!


  • Day to day stuff, like running a single parent household, gets easier much quicker. You will find a groove and set into your new routine. In a previous post I have mentioned the joys of living as a single person. It has many perks! Enjoy!

4) When did you know your were ready to date?

  • I spent one year as a single woman before I felt the urge to date. I went out with a nice man for 5 months and then realized I was not ready yet. It takes a lot of self reflection cause I really wanted to be with someone, but I was not happy with myself, so I put a dating life on hold. I spent another two years single. After the first month of being lonely a switch flipped and I had NO DESIRE TO DATE... for TWO YEARS. Then one day after hanging out with some friends I had a moment. I kissed a man who had previously been no more than a friend. The rest is history. 

5) Do you wish you hadn't met him (my X)?

  • No. not for a second. My life would have been much easier, no doubt, but I have Nugget. Yes, I am stronger because of my tragedy. Yes, I have learned lessons that have made me a better person, but really it is all about Nugget. Without X, I would not have Nugget and as many mothers will tell you, I can't imagine life without her.

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