Been MIA

I needed a break. A break from this whole mess.

It has now been almost a month since his sentence was handed out and he should be called to serve it any day now. When I have saved up enough money, I will be obtaining a lawyer and this marraige will be officially over legally. Of course it was over for me on June 6th, 2010.

I have been moving forward. His family was down here for a visit and Nugget spent time with her grandparents and cousin. I do intend to keep the line of communication open with them. I just hope they understand that their son is not going to be involved.

I can't believe my daughter is 6 months old. She is sitting up and rolling around. She even has gotten close to crawling! I guess the one thing about being a single parent that I love is knowing those moments are mine and mine alone. I would love to share them of course, but knowing that I have been able to be everything to her helps me feel accomplished.

I love watching her grow.

Happier

I feel a lot happier now that the hardest part is over. I am hoping it will continue.

I honestly do not have the strength or will to write more words. I just want to enjoy some peace.

Sentencing

Sentence: 8 years 4 months

I am exhausted with everything. I need a break.

Tomorrow

Please whatever higher power may exist,

Get me to Thursday. Let justice pull through. Give me strength. Help the attention blow over quickly. Keep my family out of the media.

Thank you,

B

2 days...

...until sentencing. Then I can take a break from all the maddness. Just be a single mom raising her daughter. I am ready for this.

I made it. 2011

It has been almost 6 months since everything happend. In nine days my STBXH will be in prison and I will be able to take an extended break from everything.

It is 2011. I fought through the hardest period of my life, I made it. 2010 had more tears than any other, required more strength and in the end gave me the most wonderful gifts I have ever received.

My Daughter was born, she is beautiful and healthy. Everyday I look at her and know why I had to go through everything I went through... because sometimes things as wonderful and amazing as her have to be earned. You may have to cross an ocean, fight through a jungle and travel across a desert to reach your treasures.

The other gift I got was strength. I realized that I have more of it than I ever thought. My advice for anyone going through a difficult time in their life is this: It is just a period of time and it will end. You must push back. A reason to smile doesn't always find you, you may have to go looking for it. It will make you stronger and it will be worth it.

I will leave you with my favorite speech given by Winston Churchill:
"Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, give in. Never give in. Never give in. Never give in."

Visit

We had a supervised visit yesterday. It was fine just uncomfortable.

With Christmas being this week his sister has come in from Spain and while I know they all know what he has done to me, my daughter and the whole family, they seem to just push that aside. I don't want to cause drama, but give me a break. He gave me a onsie that says "Made with love by mommy and daddy" I will be donating it.

After the visit he gave me a note he had written. I read it and it said everything he has already told me. He focuses on saying he never cheated on me, he loves me and he was depressed and he didn't want me to give up on "us"... blah blah blah. I put the letter in a drawer. Depression is not an excuse.

"Us" was gone a long time ago. I have retired our title of "we".

"We" will no longer be making decisions together.
"We" are not sending out Christmas cards.
"We" are not raising our daughter
"We" are not celebrating birthdays or anniversaries
"We" are not going struggling to stay on top of bills

I am doing all of those things, me.

I am not giving up. I am pushing through. Just me, no "us" no "we".