My child has seen no financial support from her father since December 2010. He told me and the courts that paying child support was a punishment that he didn't deserve. He told me that I was punishing his parents and being selfish...
This is a man who is in prison for crimes against children. A man who tore my life apart, left me fighting for survival... emotional, financial and my baby's survival. I have been her sole provider. Those who are parents know how much it can cost to give a baby/toddler everything they need. So, how is it a punishment to ask a person to provide for the child they planned for? It is not. PERIOD. I am not asking him to pay for my day at the spa, it is child support. In the end child support is never a punishment.
In regards to punishing his parents... I just don't understand that part. They are under no obligation to pay his child support, though they have agreed to. They are grown adults who made the decision to contribute towards their granddaughters well being. That is not a punishment, it is a great thing to do. Though I was told that they are only paying to keep X from getting into more trouble down the line by having a lot of arrears... I hope that is not the case, but what can Ido?
Some people have asked me why I even asked for child support. How can I take money from this man? Why would I want him in her life? I will answer these questions now.
1) I asked for child support because it is money that my daughter deserves. It is HER money and me not asking for it could potentially harm her down the road. Even if we do not see a penny for years, someday that money could help my daughter.
2) I can take money from this man because he OWES me. Yes, he owes me and his daughter. Overnight I became solely financially responsible for myself and my daughter. A house payment, medical bills, utilities, daycare, food, clothing, car repairs, baby gear and everything else that had been paid by 2 salaries was now resting on my shoulders. He honestly owes us for everything he had made a commitment to pay before this whole thing happened.
3) For those who are not familiar with the system/courts and how everything works, Child Support and custody/visitation are done completely separately. Paying Child Support has no bearing on the decision of whether or not you get to see your child. If seeing you is not in the child's best interest then you do not get access to the child, no matter how much you pay. On the flip side, not paying child support does not mean you can't see your child. In this economy it makes sense. Trying to avoid visitation by not asking for child support would ultimately not be in a child's best interest.
Maybe someday when I am married to a wonderful man, X will be willing to sign over his rights and let my new husband adopt her. This is a dream of mine.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
The good news just keeps on rollin in!
More good news in my life. After 6 months of studying, I passed my Clinical Research Certification Exam!! I am now certified in my field and with this comes more opportunities. It means more pay and job offers. I am so excited! I really did work my butt off to get prepared for this exam. Between Nugget, 2 jobs, a new relationship and household chores... well, I feel pretty awesome about this achievement.
I also received a few things from the state this weekend, my CSEA debit card that will be used for my child support payments and a letter from the Ohio Attorney General letting my know that my X's appeal for a shorter sentence has been denied! Getting this child support is going to really make Nugget and my life SOO much easier. I agreed to a smaller payment amount on the one condition that it is actually paid. Should payments not be received for 2 months the amount will default to the original number suggested by CSEA. As far as the appeal being denied, that is just the icing on the cake! How he thought there were any grounds for his sentenced to be shortened is beyond me... but I guess they will always try.
Let go over the list of recent GOOD things in my life:
I also received a few things from the state this weekend, my CSEA debit card that will be used for my child support payments and a letter from the Ohio Attorney General letting my know that my X's appeal for a shorter sentence has been denied! Getting this child support is going to really make Nugget and my life SOO much easier. I agreed to a smaller payment amount on the one condition that it is actually paid. Should payments not be received for 2 months the amount will default to the original number suggested by CSEA. As far as the appeal being denied, that is just the icing on the cake! How he thought there were any grounds for his sentenced to be shortened is beyond me... but I guess they will always try.
Let go over the list of recent GOOD things in my life:
- Divorce will be final 10/6/11
- I will be begin receiving child support
- X's appeal was denied
- I passed my certification exam
- I have a wonderful new (ish) man in my life
- My daughter is so smart and adorable!
- My family is super supportive and helpful
- I am working my way out of debt!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
October 6th.
Just about one month shy of what would have been my two year anniversary I will be officially divorced! The paperwork is ready and all it needs is the judges signature. I can't wait to change my name legally to match my daughter's, to feel another tie to him cut forever.
We were married for only 7 months before he was arrested and we officially separated. October 6th will mark 1 year and 4 months of separation. So, while on paper we will have been married for two years, the real story is much different. I will be a divorcee at age 27, but I did not fail. This is a victory is all the people who have ever been married a person only to find that they had been lied to, manipulated and had their lives turned upside down. I am proud of myself for being strong enough to fight for this divorce.
We were married for only 7 months before he was arrested and we officially separated. October 6th will mark 1 year and 4 months of separation. So, while on paper we will have been married for two years, the real story is much different. I will be a divorcee at age 27, but I did not fail. This is a victory is all the people who have ever been married a person only to find that they had been lied to, manipulated and had their lives turned upside down. I am proud of myself for being strong enough to fight for this divorce.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Long week, great start to the weekend!
I have mentioned this before, but I have a boyfriend and I have call him Bill on this blog. Well, Bill's truck has been out of order for 4 days, meaning we have not seen each other ::sad face:: This has been a little hard because of all weeks to be kinda cut off from one of my supporters, this was a bad one! I started my second job and Nugget had a cold. My days have been starting at 4am due to Nugget's stuffy nose not being able to sleep past this time... and my 2nd job keeps me going until 9pm... so I am pretty much exhausted.
On nights when I work my second job I have about an hour between jobs to hang out with Nugget and eat. I try to make the best of it and focus on her as much as I can. Bill let me know that his truck was finally fixed and he would come down to see me before I left for J#2. He showed up at my house with pizza so I didn't have to cook AND offered to help my dad watch Nugget that night since my dad's back had been bothering him!
After dinner and quality time, we took Nug to my parent's house and Bill stayed to help my dad
That night when I got home I realize that Bill had gone back over to my apt. at some point, vacuumed and tidied up for me! It was so nice to be able to basically fall into bed and sleep. I am so grateful for all of his help. He treats me so well and I will try to never take that for granted.
THEN this morning my dad stopped by my apartment and dropped off a pumpkin donut from a small local shop!! Yummy!!! I feel a lot less stressed and lucky to have great people in my life and Nugget's. What wonderful male role models!
On nights when I work my second job I have about an hour between jobs to hang out with Nugget and eat. I try to make the best of it and focus on her as much as I can. Bill let me know that his truck was finally fixed and he would come down to see me before I left for J#2. He showed up at my house with pizza so I didn't have to cook AND offered to help my dad watch Nugget that night since my dad's back had been bothering him!
After dinner and quality time, we took Nug to my parent's house and Bill stayed to help my dad
That night when I got home I realize that Bill had gone back over to my apt. at some point, vacuumed and tidied up for me! It was so nice to be able to basically fall into bed and sleep. I am so grateful for all of his help. He treats me so well and I will try to never take that for granted.
THEN this morning my dad stopped by my apartment and dropped off a pumpkin donut from a small local shop!! Yummy!!! I feel a lot less stressed and lucky to have great people in my life and Nugget's. What wonderful male role models!
Monday, September 12, 2011
My Sister
My sister is a unique being. She is not always the easiest person to get along with, in fact she can be pretty off putting, but really she is a pretty cool person.
I like to think of my sister of a cross between a toddler and an 80 year old man. I can totally see her sitting on her front porch telling teenagers to get their disrespectful, under-clothed asses off her lawn... while at the same time inviting the local kindergartners to run through her sprinkler as she waters her lawn. Sometimes she just doesn't make sense. She will drop everything to go to a professional soccer game, but getting her to play in a coed game is like pulling teeth sometimes.
You never really know what you are going to get in a lot of ways. EXCEPT when it comes to the big stuff. I know she would step up in a crisis. I know she loves me and even says it out loud sometimes! LOL In all seriousness she is who she is and I do love her for that. She has made some really good decisions in regard to her lifestyle. She does not drink, smoke or do drugs. She is a member of the Straight Edge movement.
People may not understand our relationship. We are very different. One moment we are fighting and 5 mins later we are getting ice cream together. I don't think she knows this, but I prefer to do most activities with her. When she is in a god mood she is super fun. I also like that we think alike in a lot of ways. We side eye the same people, we are both pretty adventurous and we can tell when either of us is done. I love my BFF but she is a shopper, like she will wonder around the mall from store to store just trying stuff on for fun... I HATE the mall and shopping... so it is nice to go with my sister cause she keeps the trip short and is honest with me about how I look.
She is the first one I call when I am bored. She is great with me daughter. She has my back. In the end she is what a sister should be. Our differences seem glaring, but our commonalities are far greater and that is what keeps us close.
I like to think of my sister of a cross between a toddler and an 80 year old man. I can totally see her sitting on her front porch telling teenagers to get their disrespectful, under-clothed asses off her lawn... while at the same time inviting the local kindergartners to run through her sprinkler as she waters her lawn. Sometimes she just doesn't make sense. She will drop everything to go to a professional soccer game, but getting her to play in a coed game is like pulling teeth sometimes.
You never really know what you are going to get in a lot of ways. EXCEPT when it comes to the big stuff. I know she would step up in a crisis. I know she loves me and even says it out loud sometimes! LOL In all seriousness she is who she is and I do love her for that. She has made some really good decisions in regard to her lifestyle. She does not drink, smoke or do drugs. She is a member of the Straight Edge movement.
People may not understand our relationship. We are very different. One moment we are fighting and 5 mins later we are getting ice cream together. I don't think she knows this, but I prefer to do most activities with her. When she is in a god mood she is super fun. I also like that we think alike in a lot of ways. We side eye the same people, we are both pretty adventurous and we can tell when either of us is done. I love my BFF but she is a shopper, like she will wonder around the mall from store to store just trying stuff on for fun... I HATE the mall and shopping... so it is nice to go with my sister cause she keeps the trip short and is honest with me about how I look.
She is the first one I call when I am bored. She is great with me daughter. She has my back. In the end she is what a sister should be. Our differences seem glaring, but our commonalities are far greater and that is what keeps us close.
Friday, September 9, 2011
**BREAKING NEWS** FREEDOM!
My post about my sister is being put on hold until Monday, Sorry Sarah!
I AM GETTING MY DIVORCE!!!
My X finally accepted the child support number! We will approach the judge next week and then it is all a matter of signing some paperwork! I am SOOOO freakin excited! Time to CELEBRATE!!!
I AM GETTING MY DIVORCE!!!
My X finally accepted the child support number! We will approach the judge next week and then it is all a matter of signing some paperwork! I am SOOOO freakin excited! Time to CELEBRATE!!!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
My Brother
Every girl should be lucky enough to have a brother. Besides my dad my brother was one for my two closest male role models. He is seriously one of the hardest working and bravest guys that I know. The challenges he has faced have been many and yet he pushed through, never gave up and is now a man that any woman would be lucky to have in her life.
My brother faced challenges before he was even born. My mom's amniotic fluid was dangerously low and Z (my brother) was measuring small. The doctors induced labor and my mom gave birth to a 5lb baby boy. His apgars were very low at first and he was pale/yellow. With some careful nursing he bounced back. This may have set the tone for his childhood. In the first grade he was diagnosed with 2 learning disabilities, dyslexia and dysgraphia (reading and writing problems). On top of that he was also ADHD. I know many children are prematurely diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, but my brother was truly battling this disorder. Can you imagine seeing words backwards, having a horrible time trying to write and on top of that lacking the ability to focus! He has such a hard time that my parents made the decision to have him repeat Kindergarten.
We grew up two years apart in age, yet one grade level apart. In the end I think we were both happy to be so close in school. We could help each other and watch out for each other. My mom once said her second job was helping Z get through school. Not because he was a bad student, not because he didn't try his hardest, but because the learning disabilities took such a tole on his self esteem. He would get frustrated, sometimes he would call himself stupid and cry... it was heartbreaking. He could not understand why he had so much trouble with what seemed so easy for everyone else. Don't even get me started on standardized testing. In 9th grade all the students in Ohio were required to take the ERB test. You have to pass this test in order to graduate. My brother's learning disabilities made this task almost as difficult as climbing Mt Everest. He had to train, practice, focus. You could only take it once a year and my brother did not pass it the first 3 years. His senior year we were all praying, hoping and holding our breath. The day we found out he passed I think my mom cried, Z may have too. It was honestly inspirational.
On top of everything else he was small for his age, even being the oldest in his class he was smaller than most of the other boys in middle school and high school. My parents used to give him protein shakes in order to help him gain weight.
In the end my brother grew in every way. He is now a mature and educated man. I am proud to tell you that he not only graduated high school, but went to college! He is now a manager at a landscaping company. Ladies hold on to your butts cause not only did he mature emotionally... he hadgained 40lb of muscle!!
He is kind, generous, caring, loyal and smart. I don't tell him enough how much I admire him, but I do. My brother is pretty much amazing.
I know ads are annoying, but I try to keep them on topic. I have picked out some resources here that may help those dealing with ADD, ADHD, Dyslexia or Dysgraphia.
My brother faced challenges before he was even born. My mom's amniotic fluid was dangerously low and Z (my brother) was measuring small. The doctors induced labor and my mom gave birth to a 5lb baby boy. His apgars were very low at first and he was pale/yellow. With some careful nursing he bounced back. This may have set the tone for his childhood. In the first grade he was diagnosed with 2 learning disabilities, dyslexia and dysgraphia (reading and writing problems). On top of that he was also ADHD. I know many children are prematurely diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, but my brother was truly battling this disorder. Can you imagine seeing words backwards, having a horrible time trying to write and on top of that lacking the ability to focus! He has such a hard time that my parents made the decision to have him repeat Kindergarten.
We grew up two years apart in age, yet one grade level apart. In the end I think we were both happy to be so close in school. We could help each other and watch out for each other. My mom once said her second job was helping Z get through school. Not because he was a bad student, not because he didn't try his hardest, but because the learning disabilities took such a tole on his self esteem. He would get frustrated, sometimes he would call himself stupid and cry... it was heartbreaking. He could not understand why he had so much trouble with what seemed so easy for everyone else. Don't even get me started on standardized testing. In 9th grade all the students in Ohio were required to take the ERB test. You have to pass this test in order to graduate. My brother's learning disabilities made this task almost as difficult as climbing Mt Everest. He had to train, practice, focus. You could only take it once a year and my brother did not pass it the first 3 years. His senior year we were all praying, hoping and holding our breath. The day we found out he passed I think my mom cried, Z may have too. It was honestly inspirational.
On top of everything else he was small for his age, even being the oldest in his class he was smaller than most of the other boys in middle school and high school. My parents used to give him protein shakes in order to help him gain weight.
He is kind, generous, caring, loyal and smart. I don't tell him enough how much I admire him, but I do. My brother is pretty much amazing.
I know ads are annoying, but I try to keep them on topic. I have picked out some resources here that may help those dealing with ADD, ADHD, Dyslexia or Dysgraphia.
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